Narcissistic abusers hide in plain sight. They can be cunning and charming. Most of the time you can’t spot a narcissist unless you get to know their motives. Narcissists can be dangerous master manipulators.
For the purpose of the piece below we are going to assume these are not people who are seeking help for their condition. Many narcissist see nothing wrong with their behavior and will not seek treatment or admit they have a problem.
How to Spot a Narcissistic abuser
Narcissists are self-focused. – Narcissists tend to think of themselves first and don’t care about the feeling and comfort of others. They tell stories about themselves. Often the stories will paint the narcissist as either a hero or a victim. The narcissist is never wrong and they always paint themselves in a positive light.
Gaslighting – Narcissists are often master manipulators. Gaslighting is emotional abuse. A narcissistic partner may that causes you to question your own instincts, judgment, and even sanity. A narcissist wants the power to control you. When you lose your ability to trust in your own perceptions, it becomes easy for the narcissist to get you to do the things they want.
Narcissists play the victim. – Nothing is ever the narcissist’s fault. Whenever something bad happens in the narcissist’s life someone else is always to blame. The narcissist’s problems are always blamed on someone else and they never take responsibility for their own actions. The narcissist will give you one excuse after the other to avoid being responsible for anything negative that happens to them.
Narcissists are defensive. – Narcissists don’t like people who disagree with them. The quickest way to cause a narcissist to erupt is to tell them that they are wrong. If you don’t agree with them they will accuse you of being against them. Narcissists are used to getting their way and may lash out when they don’t.
Narcissists are selfish – although they may pretend they are selfless. Don’t let these charmers pull the wool over your eyes. A narcissist will never put someone else’s feeling above their own. Narcissists may act kind and compassionate but often this is just a ruse to paint themselves in a positive light and win people over.
Narcissists don’t care if they hurt your feelings. – Narcissist craves ego stroking and is incapable of understanding how their actions impact others. Narcissists don’t respect your boundaries. They may borrow your things without asking and take loans from you and not pay you back. Narcissists feel like they own and are entitled to everything around them.
Narcissistic parents – often see their children as an extension of themselves and treat them more like property instead of individual people. The narcissist will always put their own needs before the needs of their children.
Narcissists feel entitled. – They expect to be put on a pedestal and want others to cater to their needs. Narcissists think the world revolves around them. They may mock and put down people around them in order to boost themselves.
Lastly, a narcissistic person most likely has no idea he or she is a narcissist.
How to Escape a Narcissist.
The best way to escape a narcissist is to pack up and leave. Cut all ties, get a new address, change your phone number and remove yourself from the toxic situation. Unfortunately, there are certain circumstances where an immediate exit may not be possible.
If for any reason you are stuck with your narcissist flattery may be the best way to avoid conflict. Remember arguing with a narcissist is pointless because they will always blame everything on you. Keep your head low and act normal as you plan your escape.
The first step in escaping a narcissist is to free yourself mentally. A narcissist’s strength comes from their ability to manipulate and control. When you become immune to their mind games you leave a narcissist powerless.
When you are ready to cut the cord it is best to do so without warning. When a narcissist feels like they are losing control they may lash out, trying to suck you back in. They will do everything they can to manipulate you. If the narcissist is unable to control you they can result to name calling and bullying as they try to deflect the negative light back on you.
Remember the narcissist loves control. – When a narcissist realizes that they can no longer control you they may leave. Narcissists need to have control over everything and everyone in their life. People who don’t obey or placate a narcissist are often cast out as unworthy.
Confronting a narcissist can be very dangerous. If you ever feel that your life is in danger get out. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If your narcissist becomes violent call the police.
The National Domestic Abuse hotline takes calls 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Depending on where you live there may be additional resources in your area.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline – 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Find domestic violence help and shelter near you here at DomesticShelters.org.