I have to be very careful about what I allow myself to focus on because once something catches my attention (if I become hooked on a topic or idea), I may be unable to let it go.
Monotropism (a person’s tendency to focus their attention on a small number of interests at any time, tending to miss things outside of this attention tunnel) is a crucial aspect of my Autistic identity. There’s not much in my day-to-day that my tendency towards Monotropism does not impact.
As if pulled by invisible external forces, things catch my interest, and I am drawn into them (often without realizing it’s happening).
My hyper-focus (tendency to focus deeply on one thing so intensely that time flies by, and I forget the world around me – and my bodily needs – exists) is simultaneously my greatest asset and weakness, depending on the day.
I often can’t let things go, even if I want to.
My focus (and special interests) are like a large vessel in an intense current that I can steer (but do not have complete control over). I can nudge my focus in the right direction, but it is hardly up to me if the current takes me with it (or not).
Often, by the time I realize I’ve fallen into the current of hyper-focus, it’s too late (because I’ve already gone too deep, losing large blocks of time to whatever has stolen my attention) and will now be unable to get the new topic out of my mind, once it has taken hold.
If my attention tunnels into something positive and constructive (or at least on a problem I can solve), my Monotropic tendencies can be a positive force in my life.
If my attention latches onto an unsolvable problem or any other unhelpful thought, this tendency to focus so intensely on one thing at a time can be torture (when my mind gets stuck on a loop, looping over and over again on the same hopeless problem).
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