I’ve been in an interesting headspace recently.
Spring has always been my favorite season in Texas. However, this year, since my grandfather passed away, things have been bittersweet.
Monday would is my grandfather’s birthday, and this coming Sunday (though my birthday was one month prior), my grandfather and I would have celebrated our spring birthdays together with the rest of our family.
Our birthdays were always one month apart. My birthday is March 29th, and my Grandfather’s is April 29th.
This was my first birthday since his passing.
I don’t cry as much, though I still cry at least once every day – often at some random moment that will trigger a memory or a reminder of all the things that were left unsaid between us.
There were several people I regularly called and texted while on the road. However, through my travels, I shared more with my grandfather than anyone else (besides David, who saw it live because they were traveling with me).
I sent many pictures and tales to Papa back home over the years. I miss those calls and text messages.
I find myself crying again as I type this. That’s twice today.
This is our first spring back in Texas since we hit the road two July ago, and though part of me still longs for life on the road, I’m confident this is where I’m supposed to be right now.
Part of me can’t help but wonder if I was meant to come home sooner. I would have if I had known how scarce and precious time with my grandfather would be.
Did I make the wrong choice?
I can’t change the past. What matters is that we’re here now.
Since we’ve settled down, I’ve felt more at ease here (in the state I was born and raised in) than before we left, setting out on our maiden voyage in our home on wheels across the southwestern United States.
I keep telling myself this move back home is temporary (five years tops) while we save up enough money to take care of the many repairs our truck needs before it is safe to hit the road again. Part of me worries this may not be true.
Five years feels like a long time. One year feels like a long time. SUMMER (and every day being triple digits will feel like a LONG TIME) – I’ve not felt that heat in YEARS and am NOT looking forward to it.
My biggest fear is that we will never save enough to cover all the repairs and get stuck here.
I long to be on the road, avoiding getting stuck here forever if possible (though I am making the most of things while we are here).
The weather has been warm here, and the spring birds have been singing for weeks at this point. Already, there are more sunny days than rainy ones, though today’s skies are questionable.
I will swim in my favorite river and hike on its banks when it gets warmer.
For now, I’ve been working a lot… we both have.
David found a new job that started with a lot of overtime, and I’ve been working just as much (while David is out of the house). However, David’s work is slower than expected, so they’ve started cutting back on David’s hours.
Now, the schedule is nothing like what David was promised initially—but it’s Texas, so nothing can be done about that.
It’s hard but not impossible. Still, some work is better than no work…. but David doesn’t get two days off back to back (and I’ve matched my schedule in solidarity), which (as a schedule) sucks a lot.
We’re both tired because we’re working a lot, but we’re both doing well overall.
This has been an excerpt from a longer Substack post.
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