Autism influences most things in my life, who I socialize with, the types of relationships I have, how I process information and my experience of the world around me.
Autism is tied into my hobbies, passions, interests, communication style and habits. It’s interwoven into how I interpret and fit within social contexts, structures, and hierarchies. That’s why I say I am Autistic, instead of that I am “a person with autism” – because, for me, “with autism” sounds minimal for something so integral to my being.
Autism is NOT a separate thing that I “take with me” or something I can lave behind when I venture out (even if I wanted to). Autism is not something I have “with” me. Autism IS me.
If I were not Autistic, I would literally not be the same person.
Like with everything else, being Autistic has fundamentally shaped how I relate to gender, since gender is a social construct (and social constructs are one of those things that Autistic People don’t always fit neatly within).
For me, being Autistic means I am willing to examine these social constructs under a magnifying glass, including gender and sexuality.
I don’t fit into the box. I make my own box. I am the square peg that can’t be put through the round hole (without damaging the peg) – and my experience of gender is no different.
ID: Lyric, a light beige-skinned nonbinary person with longish black hair, dark green ends, and shaved sides, is sitting in an RV with the windows closed behind them.
Patreon members and YouTube channel members had access to this video on Wednesday, May 22, 2024. The video will be released publicly on Friday, June 7, 2024.
Please note this video was supposed to be longer, but my laptop overheated (because I need a new one), ruining the video (messing up the audio in some parts and the video in other parts. That is why this video’s last half has many edits and chops because I don’t know what happened to the footage.
Link to the Substack post this video is based on: https://neurodivergentrebel.substack.com/p/autism-gender-explaining-neurogenders
Transcript:
Lyric Rivera: Hi everyone, I’m Lyric Rivera.
I am the bestselling author of the business ethics book Workplace NeuroDiversity Rising.
Today, I’m going to be talking about the specific intersection of NeuroDivergence and gender. If you would like to know more, please stay tuned.
Music plays,
Welcome back today I’m going to be talking about Neuro-Genders.
Specifically, since I’m Autistic, I’m going to talk about AutiGender.
AutiGender is a Neuro-Gender, when someone’s gender is influenced by their being Autistic, or their Autistic experience, but how can being Autistic influence someone’s gender, or someone’s experience of the social construct which is gender?
Really quickly before we move on, because I did briefly mention NeuroGender, I wanted to define that term.
Similar to how non-binary is an umbrella term, above many other non-binary gender identities, Neuro-Gender is an umbrella term, above many other different gender categories.
NeuroGender describes when someone’s NeuroDivergence, whether that’s Autism or other forms of NeuroDivergence, influences their experience of gender to a degree they cannot separate out their experiences of gender from their NeuroDivergent experiences. Which is my NeuroDivergent and Autistic experience.
In my case, I would say: AutiGender and NeuroGender are terms that do describe my NeuroQueer experience.
Now, because every single time I bring this up, someone has to go there… I feel there are some things that I absolutely must clarify before we go any further:
Number one: I’m not saying Autism is a gender and I’m not saying NeuroDivergence of any form is a gender.
Okay, we got that?
These terms are used to explain how Autistic or NeuroDivergent experience interacts with experience and understanding of gender, and relationship with gender.
Because I’m Autistic I’m going to come at this from an Autistic perspective, but if you are NeuroDivergent, and you are not Autistic, and you feel that your NeuroDivergence does impact your gender, I will love to know more about your experience.
Because coming from my one place, in my one brain perspective, I am very limited to what I experienced, but I’m going to try and help shed some light on at least my understanding, and my experience, of gender today.
Being Autistic influences most things in my life.
Things like who I socialize, with the types of relationships that I have with other people, how I process information, and my experience of the world around me.
Being Autistic is tied into my hobbies, my passions, my interests, my communication style, and many of my habits, and my mannerisms.
Autism is interwoven into how I interpret, and fit within social constructs, structures, and hierarchies. This is one reason I say I “am Autistic” instead of I’m “a person with autism,” because, for me, being Autistic is a really integral part of my being.
I feel as if saying I am “someone with autism” minimizes how much being Autistic does impact so many aspects of my life.
Autism is not this separate thing, like a book that I can take with me when I go places, or choose to set it down, and leave it behind, when I go somewhere.
I’m always Autistic. It’s a part of me. It is interwoven into the pages of my mind.
I can’t leave being Autistic behind, even if it’s convenient, even if I want to, I am always, every day, every minute of every day, Autistic.
Autism is not something I have with me, Autism is me, and for the non-autistic people listening right now, here’s something I really need you to understand: believe it or not, I love the person I am. Not despite being Autistic, or in spite of being Autistic- because I am Autistic. Like with everything else, being Autistic has fundamentally shaped the way I relate to gender and my gender identity. Which makes sense, since gender is a social construct, and social constructs are, literally, by definition, one of the things that Autistic People don’t always fit neatly within.
For me, being Autistic means I am willing to examine all of these social constructs, from the outside, with a magnifying glass. This includes gender, and sexuality, and attractions, and orientations. The things in society a lot of people go along with, without questioning, just don’t work for me, or make sense to me.
I don’t fit within the box. I make my own box.
I am the square peg, that can’t be put through the round hole, without damaging the peg… and my experience of gender. Is no different.
Before I knew I was Autistic, and before I came out, as non-binary, gender, for me, was like a costume, or a character, or a role I stepped into, that I put on as part of my mask, as an Autistic person, playing a part, trying to blend in, and be treated better by people that I encountered.
My gender role, the assignment I’ve been given never felt correct, and every reminder of that assignment brought discomfort.
For many years, I complied with these labels, because I didn’t know there were other options.
I also conformed, because I thought there was no one in the world who could possibly understand my experience, and what I was going through.
I had a complex mask, that hid my NeuroDivergence, tied into what I thought was “socially acceptable behavior,” for the gender I had been assigned.
When I stopped performing these neuro-typical expectations, dropping that mask, eventually, how I really felt and saw myself, versus acting in a way that made others around me feel comfortable (at my expense), it became painfully obvious to me how much of my gender presentation was false and performative.
My NeuroDivergent mask had been interwoven into my gender mask, and the two, in my case, were inseparable.
I’m non-binary (GenderFluid, if you would like to get specific), and I’m unable to separate out that non-binary experience from my Autistic, NeuroDivergent experience. Which is why I say these labels apply to me.
These labels might not apply to every Autistic, or NeuroDivergent, Person. However, there are a lot of NeuroDivergent and Queer people out there. In fact, Queer People are more likely to be NeuroDivergent.
A lot of the studies and data are on Autistic People specifically. For example, one study, that included five data sets of 641,860 people, that found that transgender and gender nonconforming people are three to six times as likely to be Autistic, compared to cisgender people.
With two data sets, where transgender and gender diverse individuals had elevated rates of ADHD, bipolar, depression, OCD, learning disorders, and schizophrenia, compared to cisgender people. I always stood out. Being Queer was just another thing that was strange or peculiar about me, that I just didn’t feel the need hide.
It really doesn’t matter, like all these theories about why NeuroDivergent People exist, why queer people exist, why so many NeuroDivergent People are Queer. Doesn’t matter.
What actually matters is: that NeuroDivergent Queer People are here.
We’re here, we exist, there’s a lot of us, and we’re not going anywhere. So you got to get used to it.
If you are still here, you have made it to the very end of my NeuroQueer, NeuroGender, AutiGender video. If you yourself are AutiGender, or another NeuroGender, I would love to know about your experience, and how this term relates, or doesn’t relate, to you.
If this experience, isn’t one you relate to, personally, that’s totally fine, but please respect the fact that people have different experiences, and even if this doesn’t resonate with you, it resonates with me, and many other Autistic and NeuroDivergent People.
Be kind to each other.
Really quick, thanks to my Substack subscribers, and my Patreon readers.
For those of you who are followers there, you will get this video, probably, about a week or two early, from its public release.
This video was based on a written post, that was shared on Patreon and Substack on August 9th, 2023.
If you would like to drop a suggestion for a future video, or nominate a past post for an upcoming video, let me know.
Thank you all. I will see you next time. Bye.
And I’ll see you in the next video.
This post is made possible by my paid subscribers on Substack, Patreon, Facebook, and YouTube.
As thanks for their support, the Patreon members, Facebook Supporters, and YouTube channel members had access to this video on Wednesday, May 22, 2024. (The video’s public release was set for Friday, June 07, 2024.)
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It would mean a lot to me,
– Lyric Lark Rivera | NeuroDivergent Rebel
