Last month I shared the first preview of my new book on NeuroDiversity in the wider world (title coming soon). Today I am sharing another excerpt from the first draft of that same book.
I would like to thank my subscribers and supporters for making this blog, and this book (which I hope to get out in the next year or two) possible.
When I lost my ability to camouflage my NeuroDivergent traits, it turned out that NeuroDivergent Burnout was to blame.
Neurodivergent Burnout (not a medical term, but, unfortunately, a common experience among NeuroDivergent People) is a state of intense physical and mental exhaustion NeuroDivergent People may experience (usually lasting for three months or more). It’s a result of prolonged exposure to heightened stress, a consequence of living in a world designed for Neuro-Average people that often overlooks our unique needs. Without adequate support, the chronic mismatch of expectations and capabilities leads to this unique type of burnout.
When a NeuroDivergent Person is burned out, we may experience a decrease in our ability to carry out skills needed to cope with daily life or other tasks and functions that are usually much easier for us. We may also struggle to have energy for (or find joy in) activities that once gave our lives pleasure and meaning.
I found myself at a breaking point.
After a lifetime of contorting myself to fit into a world that was rigidly designed for people with Neuro-Average minds, everything came tumbling down around me like a poorly stacked house of cards.
The constant pressure to maintain ‘appropriate’ and ‘professional’ posture and facial expressions, the blame I received for ‘not bonding with my coworkers’ in my spare time, and the expectation to work in open office spaces (under blinding fluorescent lighting that triggered migraines, vertigo, and seizures), had left me unable to keep up with the overwhelming societal expectations that I had accumulated in the first 29 years of my life.
During my burnout, I found myself withdrawing from the world, letting go of everything that once brought me joy. My hobbies, passions, interests, and connections with friends, family, and loved ones faded into the background as I settled into survival mode.
Once in survival mode, it was hard to escape. My life consisted of work and resting at home.
The expectations and demands on my life (demands that would have been hard for a person of any NeuroType but incredibly overwhelming for a person of my particular brain setup) were too much.
I was always exhausted.
No matter how much I slept or rested, I never fully recovered. Though I would occasionally muster the energy to do something social on the weekend from time to time, I was constantly battling a state of fatigue, desperately trying to recover and prepare to return to work, but (because my life was poorly suited to my needs) I never could catch up on my rest.
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