Who Gets to Be Neurodivergent Without Being Called a Liar? Why Do People on the Internet Think They Can Diagnose (or Undiagnose) Strangers?
Asking Neurodivergent People: Have you ever been accused of “faking” your Neurodivergence?
This summer, I was named in a blog post by some random manosphere dude (along with several others) as someone who, in their opinion, has been “responsible for the gentrification of Autism, ADHD, and other disabilities,” and, according to this man, we are “pretending to be Neurodivergent for clout” and as a way to “excuse our own mediocrity,” and “anti-social,” and other so-called “bad behaviors” that this stranger claims to see in us.
When it happened, one month ago today, I mostly ignored it, but I am deciding to speak up now, because recently, I’ve seen multiple similar pieces dragging other Autistic and ADHD adults using very similar language popping up all over the internet… and I am noticing some patterns.
There was one thing all the people named in the piece had in common (according to the poster)…
Though I am Nonbinary, most of the people called out in the post, including myself, were (assumed by the cisgender male author) to be cisgender women.
I am not a woman, but I was perceived (and misgendered) as one when the author claimed that everyone he named in his piece was “a woman of higher socioeconomic status, who claim disability as a core part of their identity, who display clear Cluster B behaviors in their writings and/or reactions“.
So, let’s break that down:
This man was being misogynistic because he was trying to target women…
- Though I am not a woman, this man thought he was going after women. He specifically intended to target people he thought were women.
- It’s also worth mentioning that, in a previous piece, the writer blamed the increase in women identifying as Neurodivergent on women entering the workforce, and that women are using Neurodivergence as an “excuse not to work” or for struggling with employment, or as a way to “demand workplace, school, or social accommodations they aren’t entitled to“.
This man assumed everyone he tagged was “of high socioeconomic status,” without any proof.
While I can’t speak for anyone else tagged, I can confidently say that my partner and I don’t qualify as “of high socioeconomic status.”
While we were doing okay for a few years, we were never, by any stretch of the imagination, “high socioeconomic status,” and these days (because the anti-DEIA lobby has decimated my consulting business that helps to make organizations more Neuro-Inclusive and Queer Inclusive), we are barely making it.
- We live in a small travel trailer that needs many repairs (broken water tanks, no running water, and we can’t use the plumbing), and the indoor temperature reaches 90-95F many afternoons in the Texas sun. Yet we can’t even think about what needs to be fixed right now because all our limited funds are already spoken for. We also can’t afford to buy a shade structure that would help with the heat.
- We are parked on the side of the property that one of my family members owns because we aren’t in a financial position to live anywhere with a monthly payment, and we help with tasks around the property in exchange for free parking here. When times were better, we migrated in the hot months, parking on public lands in cooler climates (for free), and it was still cheaper than renting or owning a place in Central Texas and paying utilities. However, with the current high gas prices and our decreased income, we can’t afford to drive to cooler places.
- We have a 25-year-old truck that also needs an ever-growing list of repairs (coolant leak, oil leak, brake fluid leak, work on the differential and Four Wheel Drive, new tires, an oil change, and something with the steering keeps clinking)… and we keep ignoring all of them because, at this moment, it is just not possible to do anything about it.
- My partner and I don’t have health insurance or access to healthcare. I currently have a cavity that I am filling myself with temporary putty and waiting until it gets bad enough for the dentist to pull it (my dentist’s recommendation) because the tooth is at the back of my mouth, and that is more affordable than getting a crown.
- We spend as little money as possible and only buy the necessities. We just pay our bills and buy gas and groceries. We get as many things used as possible (often for free, sometimes off the curb on trash day). It was similar when we were on the road. We don’t eat out. We don’t go places that charge admission. We don’t go shopping for fun, and whenever possible, we camp in free places (even if that means sleeping at stores and truck stops).
Since most of my consulting work has dried up since Trump took office, my partner and I are both looking for work, but we’ve struggled to find it. I personally believe (because I’ve gotten feedback about it) that everything I’ve shared about myself online over the years is hindering my job search.
In my mind, that doesn’t qualify as “high socioeconomic status,” but please correct me if I am wrong.
The mano-sphere jerk also claimed the people he targeted all “display clear Cluster B behaviors.”
However, Cluster B traits exist on a continuum, and almost everyone displays some level of them from time to time. This doesn’t mean someone who occasionally displays Cluster B traits automatically falls within the Cluster B spectrum (just like some people may display or have Autistic traits without being Autistic, or someone can display traits of ADHD without being ADHD).
- One or two observed behaviors are not a diagnosis (or neurotype).
- To qualify as Autistic, ADHD, Cluster B, or many other differences in the DSM or ICD, it often requires a long-term pattern of many (or a minimum number of) traits across many settings.
- All of these categories are based on cutoff lines. So, someone can display traits of Cluster B (or Autism or ADHD) from time to time without being Cluster B (or Autistic or ADHD).
This narrative is also harmful to Cluster B people (who are Neurodivergent and fall under the Neurodivergent umbrella).
- This narrative, using Cluster B as an insult, spreads stigma against people who fall within the Cluster B spectrum and can make people ashamed and afraid to get help.
- It can make people with Cluster B believe they are broken and can never heal or grow.
- People in the Cluster B spectrum are not monsters. They are people. Many people with Cluster B have trauma histories, and narratives like this can dehumanize Cluster B people (instead of seeing them as a whole person with a history, pain, trauma, strengths, and needs). Stigma makes it harder to see that and help them heal.
The troll did get one thing right…
I DO claim that being Neurodivergent (Autistic and ADHD) is a core part of my identity… because it IS.
Now, on the claim that people like me are “gentrifying” Autism, ADHD, and other disabilities.
More specifically, the troll claimed we are responsible for “The exclusion of truly autistic and ADHD people who need the attention and resources to lead more productive lives… and the subsequent siphoning of funds and resources from those who need them the most.“
Let’s start with defining gentrification….
Gentrification (according to Oxford Languages) is “the process whereby the character of a poor urban area is changed by wealthier people moving in, improving housing, and attracting new businesses, typically displacing current inhabitants in the process” OR “The process of making someone or something more refined, polite, or respectable.”
The idea that late-identified people are “gentrifying” Autism, ADHD, or other disabilities is a false equivalence.
Gentrification is about pushing longtime residents out of a geographical area.
For one, a disability isn’t a neighborhood, and late-identified Neurodivergent people aren’t “newcomers moving in“.
We (late-identified Neurodivergent people) aren’t newcomers, just because we’ve suddenly become more visible to the wider world.
We didn’t become Autistic or ADHD when we got diagnosed. We were already Neurodivergent (even before being identified as such).
Most late-identified people were missed, not newly made.
As a 39-year-old Neurodivergent person, I’ve been here for almost 40 years. I was just keeping to myself, making myself small and trying not to be noticed or make waves, and because of that, nobody (not even me) knew I was Neurodivergent.
Once I was identified and learned the truth about my brain, as many of us do, I stopped hiding who I was and became much more visible to the people around me.
So, no – there aren’t “suddenly more Neurodivergent people” just because we’re finally letting the world see us. Though I do understand how it can feel that way to the average ignorant waffle.
More people being identified doesn’t shrink the disability community or “steal support from others“.
Allowing those of us who were ignored for many years to finally be seen, and asking to finally be allowed to “step into the light” isn’t “erasing” those who were the primary ones the world was focused on before. However, I can see how it may feel that way when one group is used to having most of the attention and is no longer the only one in the spotlight.
In fact, the opposite is often true… The more of us there are in the world, the more awareness, advocacy, and demand for better services we can build together (if we can stop fighting one another for space and start lifting one another up).
Awareness isn’t a pie where one group’s visibility takes away from other groups.
It is more like a light that keeps spreading.
For example, with other marginalized groups, having awareness of Bisexual people and Pansexual people doesn’t take awareness away from Gay and Lesbian people. Instead, it expands awareness of the spectrum of human attraction as a whole… but so many people (especially those who cling to a crabs-in-a-bucket style mentality) treat visibility like a scarce resource.
This manosphere troll also claimed we were “using neurodivergence to victimize ourselves,” “avoid accountability,” and “make us feel special.“
He said our asks for accommodations are “entitlement,” which “denies accountability and prevents us from having agency.” However, for me, accommodations help me have more agency and make it easier for me to be accountable to the people around me (so I can do what I promise I will do, and I’m better at course-correcting when I make mistakes).
Neurodivergence isn’t something we “use“… it’s a neurotype.
“You’re playing the victim” is a statement often used to silence people, and it can make it harder for people to get the support they need to thrive.
When we share that we are Neurodivergent (whatever that means to us), our goal isn’t “to feel special,” but to understand ourselves more fully, be understood, included, empowered, and treated with dignity.
When we talk about barriers making life harder for us or harms caused by inaccessible environments, we are pointing out mismatches created by society’s systems. This isn’t the same as making ourselves victims or martyrs.
Admitting that we have struggles and needs isn’t a weakness or “being a victim“. It is a strength… and can often be the first step toward empowerment and self-understanding (the opposite of being a victim).
He also complained that by claiming the label of Neurodivergent, it was “Allowing access to disability and accommodation” – as if that were somehow a bad thing.
Oh no! People having their basic human needs met… scary. *eye roll*
Accommodations also aren’t “perks” or “special treatment“. They are equalizers – tools that help level the playing field in systems that weren’t designed with the needs of disabled people in mind.
Neuroaffirming doesn’t mean avoiding accountability.
Recognizing neurodivergence isn’t a way to dodge accountability. It’s a way to make accountability accurate and actionable.
Admitting that we need help or a tool to do a task can help us be more responsible and accountable for our actions. Needing help isn’t a sign of incapability or an escape from accountability. It is naming what we need and asking for it so we can thrive in life.
Being Neurodivergent doesn’t mean we aren’t responsible for the impact we have on others or the harm we cause (wether we mean to cause harm or not). It is not a pass to hurt other people or a reason not to apologize.
Being Neurodivergent doesn’t mean we’re not responsible for repairing the damage we do, nor is it an excuse to never change our future behaviors when we are made aware they are harming others.
Sure, some of us may need help understanding what happened and what we need to do better next time so we can avoid causing harm (and some of us may need more time to grow and change), but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn, grow, and do better.
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Lyric Rivera is an educator and author of multiple books, including the best-selling business ethics book, Workplace Neurodiversity Rising, Neurodivergent Rebel’s The Weight of Normal, a collaborator on the U.S. Version of the Autism, Identity and Me children’s workbooks and helper guide by Rebecca Duffus, and co-author with Rebecca Duffus on the upcoming Autism, Identity, and me Workbook for adults releasing on November 13, 2026 (pre-orders open NOW)!
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