Tag: actuallyautistic

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Photo of Lyric from several years ago, when they had short green hair, posing in front of a vibrant rainbow wing mural outdoors. They’re wearing purple ankle boots, dark blue jeans, a grey tank-top with the word ‘Autistic’ on it in a rainbow font, and a black leather jacket, while standing in a power pose.

Autistic Burnout – The ‘Mystery Illness’ That Doctors Missed for 30 Years (And Why a Vacation Won’t Fix It)

Lyric Holmans

Autistic burnout is a topic that I know intimately, for multiple reasons.

As an Autistic person who was not identified as such for most of my life, due to not knowing about my Autistic mind and the accompanying needs associated with my Autistic brain and nervous system, I spent most of my life cycling in and out of Autistic burnout.

It was also Autistic burnout that, eventually, led to me finally being diagnosed as Autistic a few months before my 30th birthday.

Being burned out was, for many years, my normal. Continue reading Autistic Burnout – The ‘Mystery Illness’ That Doctors Missed for 30 Years (And Why a Vacation Won’t Fix It)

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A young Lyric, with their dog Ripley, looking very miserable in their Easter dress.

You Weren’t the Problem. The System Was. Here’s How I Know.

Lyric Holmans

For most of my life, I believed, falsely, that I was inherently flawed and unworthy of compassion, kindness, and respect (from other people and from myself).

It’s hard to say exactly when, where, and why this feeling of inadequacy started, because my memory is a bit wonky, and multiple events played into it. However, there are a few events in particular that do stand out to me. Continue reading You Weren’t the Problem. The System Was. Here’s How I Know.

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This is fine dog on fire meme - A 2 panel comic meme of a dog sits at a table casually sipping coffee while the room around them is burning. The first panel says "Autistic & other sensory sensitive people acting like everything is fine when they're actively in sensory overload", and the second panel the dog says "This is fine" while the caption reads "but it wasn't fine at all."

The Sensory Hell No One Told Me About (And How It Almost Killed Me)

Lyric Holmans

I had nearly 30 years of frequent and totally preventable migraines that left me sick in bed (multiple times a month and sometimes multiple days a week), or forcing myself to attend school and work (with disorientation so intense it was dangerous for me to be out on the road driving, but because I had to work to get paid I forced myself to drive anyway just like I’d been forced to go to school growing up in a similar state). Continue reading The Sensory Hell No One Told Me About (And How It Almost Killed Me)

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A purple book cover with a rainbow flower in the middle. At the top it reads Rebecca Duffus and Lyric Rivera in lavender and pale teal text. Below that, on top of the rainbow flower, it reads "Autism, Identity and Me" in a bold white font and below that it reads "A Practical Workbook to Empower Autistic Adults"

It took me 10 years to figure out my Autistic needs. We built a shortcut – Autism, Identity and Me: A Practical Workbook to Empower Adults, the Autism workbook I needed.

Lyric Holmans

Ten years ago, I walked out of my diagnostician’s office with a label and a list of memoirs about other people’s lives. No one told me how to figure out mine… Continue reading It took me 10 years to figure out my Autistic needs. We built a shortcut – Autism, Identity and Me: A Practical Workbook to Empower Adults, the Autism workbook I needed.

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Workplace Neurodiversity Rising (a purple book with a pink brain on the cover) and Neurodivergent Rebel's The Weight of Normal (A pale teal book with a pink brain on the cover)

The Dream I Almost Gave Up On – Young Me Thought My Life Wasn’t Interesting Enough to Write About. I Was Wrong.

Lyric Holmans

Growing up, I struggled a lot in school. Academics weren’t my strengths, with one exception – reading and writing.

From my earliest school days, and even before I started school, I was in love with books and dreamed one day I might write them. However, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever achieve this goal. Continue reading The Dream I Almost Gave Up On – Young Me Thought My Life Wasn’t Interesting Enough to Write About. I Was Wrong.

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Lyric (with long dark hair and shaved sides, with rainbow glasses), sitting in the corner surrounded by books they’ve written or collaborated on (The U.S. Autism, Identity, and Me Children’s Workbook and Parent/Helper Guide, and Workplace Neurodiversity Rising, while reading Neurodivergent Rebel’s The Weight of Normal).

I Was A Word Hoarder: For me, hyperlexia wasn’t just “reading early.” It was (and is) a specific way my brain processes symbols.

Lyric Holmans

If you’ve never heard of Hyperlexia before, it is when a person can read words very, very well (often better than most people). We may also struggle more with understanding the full context of what we read. In addition, many of us who are Hyperlexic often understand what we read more easily than what is said to us out loud. Continue reading I Was A Word Hoarder: For me, hyperlexia wasn’t just “reading early.” It was (and is) a specific way my brain processes symbols.

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Lyric, years ago, with long black hair and pale skin from staying indoors, dressed as in a red hood and red and silver mask.

Growing Up Not Knowing About My Neurodivergent (Autistic and ADHD) Brain and What I Wish I Had Understood Sooner

Lyric Holmans

Question for my late-identified Neurodivergent readers: Is there anything you wish you’d known or understood sooner?

If you could give one piece of advice to your younger, unidentified self, what would it be?

I am Neurodivergent, but I didn’t know it (or even what Neurodivergence or Neurodiversity was) for most of my life.

Being diagnosed Autistic, at the age of 29, a few months shy of my 30th birthday, during a mental health crisis, turned my world upside down. It also saved my life. Continue reading Growing Up Not Knowing About My Neurodivergent (Autistic and ADHD) Brain and What I Wish I Had Understood Sooner

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Young Lyric, with long black hair and a blank expression, was wearing a paper hat they had made, with a stuffed bulldog beside them as they stood in front of a bookshelf in their grandparent’s home.

Reaching My Breaking Point – I Used to Think My Detachment Was a Superpower. It Was Actually a Survival Skill.

Lyric Holmans

For much of my life, I felt like a passenger in my own body, but a few years ago, after reaching my breaking point when my grandfather and then our oldest dog Rocky both passed away within a few short weeks of one another, something inside me started to change rapidly.

Before that point, I’d been managing. Yet, this moment, holding my grandfather’s hand as they pulled the plug, and then doing the same with Rocky, as his kidneys failed soon after (when we decided the kindest thing we could do for him was to let him go), ended up becoming a tipping point (one that sent all of my carefully balanced dominoes tumbling down). Continue reading Reaching My Breaking Point – I Used to Think My Detachment Was a Superpower. It Was Actually a Survival Skill.

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I Had to Unlearn Shame to Find My Autistic Pride – They Told Me My Autistic Traits Were Flaws. I Know Better Now.

Lyric Holmans

Before I knew it was Autism, I didn’t have Autistic pride – only shame for my Autistic traits. Autistic pride is something I had to grow into. Here’s what changed. Continue reading I Had to Unlearn Shame to Find My Autistic Pride – They Told Me My Autistic Traits Were Flaws. I Know Better Now.