‘Typical’ or ‘normative’ are social constructs, concepts that change depending on time, place, culture, and space.
We live in a society where people are expected to follow the dominant social and hierarchical norms, and those who cannot fall in line (or refuse to) are often mocked, scolded, medicalized, dehumanized, and punished for their inability (or unwillingness) to blend in.
Social hierarchies (that place one type of person at a higher value than others) have historically been reinforced through degrading, dehumanizing, and stigmatizing language, and using pressure on those in the minority to conform to norms and standards set by those who are in power.
Shame is a tool used by oppressors to keep those they step on down.
When people say they are afraid that “seeing a rainbow flag will make people Queer,” what they’re actually scared of is people knowing that being Queer is an acceptable option (and there’s nothing inherently wrong with being Queer). People like this (who hate Queer people) want Queerness to be something taboo, words whispered because people are ashamed (or afraid) to speak them.
I’ve encountered people with similar ideas about Autism and NeuroDivergence, who are offended by NeuroDivergent people who find pride in our identities.
In a very similar way, those who seek to enforce neuro-normativity (a term coined by Dr. Nick Walker) also often object to NeuroDivergent people being proud of the ways we stand out from those who can blend in more easily with society’s norms.
NeuroDivergence (and by extension many NeuroDivergent people) are frequently heavily medicalized, primarily viewed through a negative lens, painting us as ‘undesirables that society is inconvenienced and plagued by’ (similar to how Queers were heavily medicalized in the 1950s-1970s). Though we have diverse strengths and weaknesses, many people today have little to no knowledge of NeuroDivergent strengths, because NeuroDivergence is often defined only by our struggles and difficulties in assimilating into society’s norms.
Too often, NeuroDivergent and many other marginalized (and multiply-marginalized) peoples are forced to work to prove our worth and value as humans in the face of near-constant dehumanization.
Many of us will feel pressure to make ourselves ‘respectable’ members of the dominant culture, following its norms and customs (regardless of how foreign and unnatural they are to us).
People can be forced to assimilate into a dominant norm in many ways, giving up parts of ourselves because blending in makes our survival easier (especially if the world we live in is hostile to people like us).
My story is my own. I cannot speak for anyone else.
Forced assimilation isn’t limited to NeuroDivergent and Queer people. It can be done to almost any marginalized group. However, to respect what I don’t know, I will only speak to experiences from communities I belong to or from my own personal experiences (so that people from groups I don’t belong to can share, in their own words, what their version of assimilation has been like).
As a Queer (pansexual, polyamorous, trans-nonbinary), NeuroDivergent person (Autistic, Hyperlexic, anxious, person with developmental trauma), I had tried assimilating into the dominant culture. Still, I could not conform (and trying to do so almost cost me my life).
NeuroDivergent people are often encouraged to camouflage ourselves within the dominant culture by denying our needs and mimicking people who are closer to neuronormativity.
In extreme cases, we may be put into various forms of NeuroDivergent Conversion “Therapy” (that were literally designed by the same people who popularized Queer Conversion “Therapy”, using many of the same methods aimed at assimilation).
Many Queer people live in closets because when we come out, we may find ourselves at risk of losing our families, jobs, and in some extreme cases, our lives. This can be even worse for Trans people, who have faced increased persecution in recent years.
One way some Queer people blend in with the dominant society and its cultural norms is by denying who we are (by conforming to binary hetero-normative gender standards), even though this denial can lead to depression, anxiety, and even death.
These methods of assimilation are done as ways to stay safe and be treated better in a violent, hostile society.
Neither approach has been effective for me as a Nonbinary person.
This society says I do not exist and must fit into one of two categories (neither of which adequately describes me). I am not binary, but we live in a culture that pushes the false notion that Nonbinary people don’t exist.
I’m told frequently that I “can’t make up a gender,” am “confused,” and that I need to “pick a gender” for simply stating that “I am neither man nor woman” (because our modern society’s social norms only allow for one of two choices, even though Nonbinary people have been around for many centuries, before the United States was founded). Historically, Nonbinary people even predate Christianity.
Gender is not (and never has been) binary, just as sex is not binary (though bigots like to pretend intersex people don’t exist, because their existence is inconvenient to their modern and false assertions that “there are only two sexes and two genders”).
If sex is not binary, why would gender be?
Nature is NOT binary.
Few things in the world (that aren’t invented by humans) are binary.
Binary codes. Binary genders. Heaven and hell. Good and evil. – These are all social constructs designed by people (that oversimplify and ignore nuance, grey areas, and the true complex nature of our world).
Nature reminds us of our world’s true complexity and beauty, and that few things are as they initially appear.
Human minds crave simplicity and easy, quick categorizations; that’s why many stereotypes and false assumptions about those in marginalized groups run wild in our dominant culture (because it’s easier for people to oversimplify by thinking in black and white while ignoring nuance). This creates a failure to appreciate people as individual humans, and pressure on everyone to fit within narrow, unnatural, binary norms and categorizations.
Everything in the world is complex and nuanced. We are not made to color inside the lines. Still, divergence from the artificially constructed binary norms is often scorned (instead of celebrated). This is something that we (as a society) need to change.
You can also find this post on Patreon and Substack.
This is an excerpt from my latest book, ‘Neurodivergent Rebel’s: The Weight of Normal‘.
Assimilate or Be Punished: A NeuroDivergent, Queer Memoir of Survival and Awakening in a World That Demands Conformity
A Look at the harms and traumas of NeuroDivergent Conversion “Therapy” and other methods of forced assimilation.
CONTENT WARNING: This book discusses themes that may upset some readers, including Autistic and other NeuroDivergent Conversion “Therapies,” forced assimilation, manipulation, coercion, abuse, and suicidal ideation. Reader discretion is advised.
A NeuroDivergent Rebel’s Journey to Self-Acceptance
In a world that demands conformity, to be NeuroDivergent and Queer is to live under the constant, crushing weight of “normal.” Lyric Rivera felt this weight from a young age. Branded as rebellious, difficult, and a problem to be solved, Lyric faced a world that tried (unsuccessfully) to force them to assimilate.
The Weight of Normal is a raw and powerful memoir of survival and awakening. It is an unflinching indictment of the systems of forced assimilation—the NeuroDivergent and Queer conversion “therapies”—that teach self-abandonment as a virtue.
Lyric reveals the devastating trade-off at the heart of these methods, designed to force conformity—a price that nearly cost them everything.
A searing look at the trauma of forced conformity and the journey back to oneself.
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