I learned to repress (instead of express) because people reacted poorly to me whenever I tried to share what I wanted, needed, and felt.
I swallowed my rage, discomfort, worries, and pain over and over again (because I was used to people around me not giving me space to express my feelings and needs).
I learned to “bottle it all up” because I had no external outlet for my experiences.
Everything that is unexpressed is “put away” or “on pause” and placed in a holding area (which has limited space). Raw and unprocessed emotions become flammable fuel for a mental explosion (if they’re not “vented” before it’s too late).
As a multiply-NeuroDivergent Person (whose also Queer in multiple ways), I find myself “putting things away” frequently because much of my experience is beyond what others can understand (or have space for).
For most of my life, I found I had a very “large container,” allowing me to store pain until my container would fill up. Then, when too much pain accumulated, eventually, I would overflow (melting down), making room to swallow more suffering.
I’ve been thinking a lot about “Autistic Meltdowns” recently, how they are similar to other types of overloads, what causes them, and what people need to prevent and recover from them.
I’ve been reflecting on the fact that Autistic Overloads have their own name, pondering “why” our overloads have their own name when everyone occasionally gets overloaded.
I’ve been thinking about how I (and many other Autistic People) start the day with my emotional load already “at capacity.”
I’ve been reflecting on how much easier my days are when I can start with “more space” in my container (compared to beginning when I’m already ready to overflow) and how our society’s design contributes to my constantly being spread too thin.
Would non-autistic people be overwhelmed more frequently (if they lived in a world not designed for them)?
What changes could we make to our society to make it more inclusive for everyone?
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