For those of us who feel safe enough to live "outside of the closet," coming out is something we will choose to do (or NOT to do) repeatedly with every new person we meet.

Coming out: It’s not something we do “just once.” It’s something we will do over and over again our entire lives.

Tomorrow is National Coming Out Day, but because my next two days are already full of meetings, calls, and presentations, I’m putting this post out a day early (or it won’t happen). 

Some of you may say, “Lyric, we KNOW you’re Queer, you don’t have to come out! Didn’t you ALREADY come out nonbinary/gender fluid in the summer of 2020?”

While the statement above is technically true, what some people don’t understand about coming out is: 

Coming out is NOT something any of us will do “just once” and then “never have to do it again.” I WISH! 

I started this blog by coming out as Autistic and was also an out pansexual human from the beginning (so these two parts of my identity will probably be no surprise to most people who’ve been here a while). 

A few years later, I also publicly came out polyamorous online (something that’s never been a secret to people who knew me well). 

People still don’t react well to polyamory.

I have had friends and family members tell me “not to tell their partners” about “my lifestyle” because they “don’t want them to get any ideas” -as if polyamory is contagious.

It shouldn’t surprise me that people think polyamory is contagious, considering there’s been a lot of talk about “social contagion” (resulting from “rapid-onset gender dysphoria,” a proposed condition that attributes adolescent gender distress to exposure to transgender people through friends or social media) in relation to Queer and NeuroDivergent People recently.

Though the APA (American Psychological Association) and numerous healthcare providers and organizations signed a letter in 2021 denouncing the validity of “social contagion” and “rapid-onset gender dysphoria” (ROGD) as a clinical diagnosispeople are still pushing this theory on both Queer and NeuroDivergent People (even though evidence has shown that “social contagion” is not causing more people to become Queer (or NeuroDivergent).

Despite lies and misinformation, the concept of “social contagion” continues to be used to justify anti-trans legislation across the U.S.

Eventually, I came out nonbinary (genderfluid, if you want to get specific) in the summer of 2020 (a daunting task after publicly playing the part of a woman in so many people’s eyes for several years). 

People wanted me to stay the person they were used to seeing, they didn’t want me to change (but I’ve always been who I am, it just took me years to find a language to describe myself and feel safe enough to share that person with the world).

I’ve been living outside of all my closets ever since. 

Coming out has been freeing, but it’s also been trying because of how much hate comes my way, simply for existing in public.

The growing movement against trans people has brought a bunch of hate and negativity my way. I occasionally get “casual death threats” (luckily with no follow through so far) and I’m called a groomer and told to “leave the children alone” at least once or twice a week (even though I don’t make content for children).

Being openly nonbinary has been more difficult than being openly Queer in other facets of my life (because of how much doubt, gatekeeping, and disbelieving non-binary people are real, both inside and outside the Queer communities – even from other trans people who believe gender is always binary). 

Unfortunately, sometimes the people you think (hope) will be safe aren’t always safe. It can be tricky to know if someone will accept you or judge you harshly, thinking less of you when you tell them you’re Queer (regardless of what flavor Queer you are). 

For those of us who feel safe enough to live "outside of the closet," coming out is something we will choose to do (or NOT to do) repeatedly with every new person we meet.
For those of us who feel safe enough to live “outside of the closet,” coming out is something we will choose to do (or NOT to do) repeatedly with every new person we meet.

For those of us who feel safe enough to live “outside of the closet,” coming out is something we will choose to do (or NOT to do) repeatedly our entire lives. 

With EVERY NEW PERSON WE MEET, we have to decide if it’s safe to be “out with them” and how to tell them (or how to HIDE if we determine they’re not safe). 

This has been an excerpt from a longer Substack post.

You can read more of this one for free on Substack, and the full post is available for paid subscribers.

*Patreon members and Facebook Subscribers ALSO got access to THIS post.

I’m creating a new community on Substack, and I hope you’ll join me as a free member (but I also have paid subscriptions that are only $5/month – less if you subscribe annually if you want access to bonus content).

To receive new posts (like this one) delivered directly to your inbox 2-3 times each week (and support my work), please consider becoming a subscriber. 

FREE subscribers on Substack get contenttoo! Everyone gets something (because I believe education should be accessible).

In addition to Substack (because I STRONGLY believe educational resources should be affordable), I also offer discounted subscriptions on Patreon. On Patreon, I always offer a pay-what-you-can subscription (starting at $1 a month – less when you subscribe annually).

Both Substack and Patreon offer a free one-week trial on paid subscriptions.

The NeuroDivergent Rebel Blog is a reader-supported publication. Without the help of my readers, free resources LIKE THIS ONE wouldn’t be possible.

To receive new posts (like this one) and support my work, I ask that you please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Patreon or Substack.

If you’re low on funds, you can also help support my work by sharing this post.

It would mean a lot to me,

– Lyric

Leave a Reply