AuDHD: Autism VS ADHD: What IS The Difference?
I’m Autistic, and I’m also ADHD (combined presentation). I have two NeuroTypes (or brain types) that are often at odds with one another (but also so similar it can be hard to tell the two apart).
This difficulty in sorting out these two NeuroTypes has given birth to a term, AuDHD (shorthand for Autistic and ADHD), which is often used to describe the unique experience of being both Autistic and ADHD simultaneously.
Today I’m BACK with my second long-format-video-essay of 2024!
Patreon members, Facebook Supporters, and YouTube channel members had access to this video on Wed, January 24, 2024. The video’s public release will be Friday, February 2, 2024.
ID: Lyric, a pale-skinned nonbinary person with black hair with dark green ends and shaved sides is sitting in an RV with dark wood panel walls in a black tank top. Their book, Workplace NeuroDiversity Rising, is on a shelf in the top left of the frame, and the words Autism OR ADHD float to the right of Lyric in pale yellow.
Transcript:
Lyric Rivera: Hey everyone, Lyric here and I am back with video two, my second video, of 2024, after my extended break, working on self publishing my book, Workplace Neurodiversity Rising, which now the audio book is available on nine different retailers.
I will try to remember to put a link to that somewhere, maybe down here in the comments below. If you want to grab this, a handy dandy handbook to help make workplaces, and really just any kind of space, more inclusive for NeuroDivergent People.
This is where I’ve been the last couple of years, year and a half since I’ve not been making videos.
Now that this is wrapping up… I’m back. I’m here with another video, video two.
Today I wanted to talk about being Autistic and ADHD at the same time, because often, since I’ve both Autistic and ADHD, people ask me to explain the differences between being Autistic and ADHD.
Honestly, because I am both Autistic and ADHD, That makes this task really fricking difficult, if not impossible.
Because I get asked this so often, I’ve been pondering, a lot, on this topic. So here we go. Here are my thoughts on the differences between Autism and ADHD.
Let’s dive in.
I’m Autistic, as I said. I’m also ADHD, combined presentation ADHD- type 1 and 2. So I’m inattentive and I’m hyperactive.
Whoo.
I have these two NeuroTypes, also known as brain types, that are often at odds with one another.
Though they are in competition with one another, in a lot of ways, they are so similar, it is really hard to tell these two parts of my brain, or these two little brain friends that are up in there, creating chaos.- It’s a little hard to tell which, which part of the brain is responsible for which trait.
This difficulty in sorting out these two NeuroTypes has actually given birth to a term, not, not that I’ve created, but Autistic, ADHDers, online have created, as a community: AuDHD, Au-DHD.
It’s shorthand for Autistic and ADHD, because a lot of us, who are Autistic and ADHD, feel it’s a very unique experience, having these two brain types in one being. It’s a bit different than just being Autistic, or just being ADHD.
AuDHD is how we describe those two NeuroTypes, combined in one human simultaneously.
The Autistic part of me insists on routine, really needs to know what is going to happen next, and gets very anxious without having a plan.
The ADHD side of me gets a bit overwhelmed, and frustrated, without some sort of change, controlled and planned out change, or excitement, from time to time.
That’s that novelty seeking thing that that’s why I said these two things are often really at odds with one another.
While these two parts of my brain are often pushing and pulling in opposite directions, they also clompliment, compliment? They compliment each other, really nicely as well.
Thinking about my own personal experience as an Autistic ADHD-er, Autism is something that guides me, steers me, and grounds me.
ADHD pushes me, sometimes derailing me.
I’ve, I’ve got enough caution thanks to anxiety, and my Autistic tendency to plan and prepare for things, and enough curiosity seeking, and novelty seeking, from ADHD, pushing me forward.
My Autistic brain knows what it wants to do, even if the ADHD brain won’t let, won’t let that happen.
ADHD is funny.
I often struggle to start tasks and will spend more time avoiding them, than the task would have taken me In the first place, like last week, and frequently, when I avoid emails, 10 minutes of emails, for several hours.
If I just would have responded to emails, I could have all the time, not worrying about the fact that I have to do them later, but instead, I put off this little quick 10 15 minute task, and leave it to weigh on me, until I do it for like half the day. Instead of just getting it out of the way- that’s ADHD for me.
Autistic me, Autism, won’t shut up, telling me I have to do the things on my list, today. I have to stick to the schedule.
The Autistic side of me usually is going to be very uneasy, if I am unable to do the things that I plan to do each day, or if my schedule changes, or if my routine is disrupted.
Actually, that’s something I’ve been struggling with today, trying to get this video made.
ADHD means I started early today, and I already can tell, I’m probably gonna finish late because that’s life as a NeuroDivergent Autistic ADHD-er.
Once I do get started on something, if the work is something I am well suited for, my focus can change to where I can be really focused, if I am not interrupted -if I’m not interrupted, that’s a really key part there.
Even with the interruptions, and distractions, and the derailings, and even if I’m gonna finish
Hello bird, that was interesting.
And even if I’m gonna finish late, I’m gonna finish. No matter what, my carefully planned list of items will be done. Before I log off.
Thanks, Autism, keeping it all together for me, because I literally cannot shut off my mind, if I’m not at a stopping point.
Getting going, and switching tasks, can be really difficult for me, and that could be either ADHD, Autism, or both. It’s really hard to tell.
When you look at lists of traits for both Autistic people and ADHDers, the two brain types have far more in common with one another, than they differ.
As someone with both of these NeuroTypes, a very common overlap, it’s really hard to say where one part of me ends, and the next part of me begins.
While Autistic people, and ADHDers, share many common experiences, there are also some differences.
Autistic people often crave routine, while ADHDers, who are not also Autistic often will thrive in chaos.
AuADHD-ers, like me, may flourish in controlled chaos, where the outcomes of the chaos is reasonably inevitable, or safe, and expected. That’s the way, I seek novelty.
The ADHD side really wants a little bit of excitement here and there, but it’s calculated risk.
For me, this is going to a roller skating rink, where I know I may fall down.
That’s a calculated risk ,I’m willing to take for a fun evening, spinning and dancing around the rink, to some of my favorite music.
It’s worth it. Calculated risk.
This Autistic part of me influences the way I interpret language, and communication. Autism also influences my need for routine, order, and logic and sometimes very literal ways I interpret things.
My Autistic brain is also very curious, asking why.
The Autistic brain doesn’t like to stop when things are unfinished. That’s, that’s part of hyper focus, as an Autistic Person.
A core aspect of my, personal, Autistic experience is, being very hyper focused on the things that do catch my attention. ADHD just has to get out of the way, so I can get started.
Once I get started. I’m like, I’m like a train. I’m on a track. I’m going.
ADHD for me has more to do with my attention, and dopamine regulation.
I struggle to will my attention to where I want it to go. It’s like steering this wild animal- easier to work with it, than against it.
My brain really can’t focus on tasks that don’t interest me. I can’t focus my attention, that I don’t have.
Also boredom, or tasks that just drain the dopamine, instead of replacing it, and refilling it, drag me down, with the weight of it- like, concrete blocks so heavy and so hard for me to do these tasks that are boring. It is painful and my brain just doesn’t.
It’s not that I’m intentionally trying to avoid things that I don’t find interesting. It’s that my brain doesn’t latch on to them.
I can sit here and read something boring over and over and over again and I’m reading it, and even though I have a very high reading comprehension level, because that’s one of my personal gifts, as a NeuroDivergent Person, I will not be processing. It’s just like reading and scanning, but no retention is happening, if it’s something that’s boring to me.
I can’t help that. It doesn’t matter how much I want to retain some information. If it’s boring, it’s not happening.
Also, because of how painfully frustrating being bored can be, ADHD has made me very, very, very good at entertaining myself, because that kept me out of trouble, growing up as a busy body, ADHD, hyperactive, little human being.
Boredom, for me, as a hyperactive ADHD-er, can look like restlessness.
When I get bored, or I’m understimulated, I- I need something to, to get that brain excited, otherwise I will go numb, and I won’t be functioning anymore.
I’ll just be. Uh, my brain, like it’s just like missing something it needs.
I, I need to have something going at all times, stimulating my brain.
I didn’t know I was ADHD until I was in my thirties, so I’d already found a lot of ways to cope with this restlessness, and then this numbness, spiking my dopamine with exercise, game breaks, food, coffee, candies, energy drinks.
I don’t do energy drinks anymore, but when I was younger, I used to drink a lot of energy drinks, and unadvisable amounts of caffeine, and coffee.
Oh, so good.
More recently, understanding the ADHD side of myself more these days, than I used to, I have gotten a lot better at sandwiching tasks, where I, I mix the tasks that bring me up, and give me that dopamine my, my ADHD brain needs, and the tasks that drain me down, and weigh me down, and drain that out of me.
I sprinkle them in sparingly in between with the things that fuel my ADHD brain, and keep that ADHD brain working optimally, as I can possibly get it to do.
Sometimes I will do a few little tedious administrative tasks, before jumping into writing or a preferred task, so I’ve got to do 30 minutes of really boring stuff… but then I can do my favorite thing after.
I’ll do it that way, or I’ll do something invigorating first, and then I’ll only do like 15 to 20 minutes.
I cap my tedious, boring, no fun, tasks, at like a 30 minute chunk, if possible, an hour max, because I know how much that drains out of me.
I, I don’t do a whole day of draining, boring tasks, I just sprinkle them in with the tasks that are well suited to my, my AuDHD brain.
Once I start going, it’s good. The hard part is starting.
It’s not just like that with videos or writing. It’s like that with a lot of different projects I try to take on.
Getting started is really hard, and then also sometimes getting the last 5 to 10 percent done, also can be really tricky, for some reason.
I don’t know why that is I get kind of slowed down, but at the same time, I can’t stop. So it’s like, I have to get this done and I’m really struggling right now, trying to- I know why it is. -I just totally realized why it is as I’m talking right now.
It’s perfectionism, because that last percent, where I- I’m like, it’s “It’s never going to be finished,” and it’s hard to like, say something is done, so the perfectionism, which is something I’m working on. I’ve been working on myself.
Perfectionism definitely holds me back. Thanks anxiety.
Thanks society, for telling my Autistic ADHD self that I’m never enough, even when I’m doing my best. Yeah.
I know where my perfectionism came from, now I understand I’m Autistic and ADHD.
If I do manage to keep myself moving in the direction I’m headed, that stubbornness, that I have, eventually will get me where I’m triding- triding?
Trying to go, even if it takes me longer than it takes most people.
Something I’ve really taken to heart, since I found out I was Autistic, when I was diagnosed at the age of 29, about seven years ago now, is that I’m not in competition with anyone.
For most of my life, when I didn’t know I was Autistic, when I didn’t know I was ADHD, when I didn’t know I was NeuroDivergent, I was constantly comparing myself to the people around me who were not like me, and had brains unlike mine, and I let them set the standards for how I should live, and the goals in life they had, and their goals became my goals, even if those goals were unrealistic.
It wasn’t just me holding myself to the standard of others. I was trained, from a young age, that this was what I should strive for, because anytime I struggled in a way that was atypical to Neuro-Normative society, those struggles were seen as something I needed to overcome, because people around me weren’t struggling with these things, that I was struggling with, and people around me were like, “this is easy, why can’t you do this?”
At the same time, because I was hyperlexic, and reading, and vocabulary really, really high, they thought, I must be intentionally being lazy, because I was so good at this one thing, that for me to be bad at things that they thought were simple, in their mind, only could possibly mean I wasn’t trying, even though I was trying my hardest, and it was really demoralizing… and that’s a NeuroDivergent trauma, I wonder how many of you can relate to, that I wasn’t intending to talk about today.
It’s not on the script I’ve completely gone off script. Whoops
All of that from “I’m not in competition with anyone” and this has been a crucial tool, or part of my healing, not being in competition with anyone, only myself.
I’m trying to be a better person than I was, in previous times. I’m trying to learn from my mistakes, and not repeat them.
I’m in competition with myself, trying to be better than I was yesterday. Which is something else I’ve been working on, since I’ve been away from videos over the past year and a half, just working on myself and trying to really get, get in touch with so much of what was lost, living in a life, being disconnected from myself, being told I was a NueroTypical person, when I wasn’t.
Not being in competition with anyone has been really important and… forward motion, no matter how slow.
I just keep checking off a step here and there.
I just keep working towards my bigger goals.
Tiny baby steps, even if I’m only doing like one step a week, or one step a day, or one step a month. It doesn’t matter. I’m just simply moving forward. It doesn’t matter if it’s taking me two, to five times, or ten times as long as everyone else to do it. I’m moving at my own speed, and I’m not letting other people pressure me to move at their speed anymore.
I, I refuse. I did that for 29, 30 years of my life, and now that I understand my brain, I’m not doing it anymore.
That’s my Autie, AutiHD, Autistic ADHD, Difference Between Autism and ADHD video.
From my perspective, having both of these things inside, it makes it really hard to know the difference because these, these are just parts of me. It’s who I am.
I promise I will keep pondering the differences between Autism and ADHD.
The other thing about this is, because the Autistic ADHD experiences are so different, with every individual Autistic ADHD-er, my experiences of this, might not necessarily be the same experiences of the next NeuroDivergent Person. I have a lot of thoughts.
I’d love to know in the comments below.
Are you, are you Autistic? Are you ADHD? Are you both, or one or the other? Are there any distinct differences, that you notice between Autistic ADHDers?
Let’s have an interesting conversation below.
I will talk to you next time, and I’ll see you later.
I’m gonna go work on publishing, and transcribing this video, so I can put it up in the subscriber groups on Patreon and Facebook and It’ll be there.
And maybe Substack.
Anyway, I’ll talk to you later. Bye!
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As thanks for their support, the Patreon members, Facebook Supporters, and YouTube channel members had access to this video on Wed, January 24, 2023. (The video’s public release was set for Friday, February 2, 2023.)
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– Lyric Lark Rivera | NeuroDivergent Rebel
