Today is June 1, 2026. It is the first day of Pride Month, in a year where being openly and unapologetically open about being Queer in many ways feels more dangerous for many of us (especially within the United States) than it has in a long time.
I’ve been openly Queer for most of my life (for nearly 30 years), and in that time, there have been many shifts.
Though some misguided adults would say “children are too young to know if they are Queer or not“ (but often have no problem with the assumption that kids are cis or straight), I knew I was Queer when I was just a child, and all these years later, I am still Queer.
My Queer story is one of great privilege, because I was not raised to think that being Queer was anything to be ashamed of, nor did I have parental figures who would be opposed to my Queerness.
My mom had many openly Queer friends when I was growing up. I was raised around Gay men, Lesbians, and Trans-binary people, and my mom never spoke about these differences as if there was anything wrong or abnormal about them.
My mom’s Queer friends (and my early Queer role models) were just normal people living their lives. The only thing that was “a big deal“ about being Queer was how some hateful people treated Queer people.
I wasn’t raised to believe straight or cisgender people were the default state of society, or that being Queer was “abnormal“ or “other“.
In fact, as a result of this Queer normalization, I never officially came out to my family, not because I was ashamed or afraid to share, but because it didn’t occur to me that I needed to make any big announcement. Non-queer people, after all, didn’t have to “come out“ and tell everyone they “are not Queer“, so why would being Queer require disclosure?
Now that I am much older, my opinions on Queerness are still similar. However, I do have a much better understanding of why many of my Queer friends didn’t live openly as such when I was growing up (in deep red-bible-belt Texas), and why some only “came out“ many years later, once they were on their own and had more control over their own lives.
The sad fact is, many of my peers weren’t as fortunate as I was in having parents who would love and accept them no matter what.
Because many Texas parents back then (and even today) would have a problem with their kids being Queer, and possibly even disowning, kicking out, or sending their kids to conversion therapy camps. This, the danger, stigma, and shame around Queernes, that is still prevalent to this day, are prime examples of why we need “Queer Pride“ and Pride Month. . . and why we don’t need a straight or cis pride month/day.
Nobody is kicking kids out of their homes for being cis/straight.
Nobody is firing people for being straight or cis.
Nobody is discriminating against cisgender or heterosexual people – because society today still has lots of bias against Queer people, favoring those who aren’t Queer.
Cisgender people and hetro-normative couples are still the norm for most movies, TV shows, books, and other forms of media.
At the same time, any time a Queer character or relationship is shown in media, people complain, claiming the writers are “pushing an agenda“ any time we have even a little representation (especially if Queer characters are featured in children’s books, movies, or shows).
Because there is still so much ignorance and hate for Queer people happening every day, and because in the United States, many of these attacks are coming from our own government, I think it is important to address many of the ignorant statements people make about Queer people, and talk about what is wrong with these thoughts and ideas.
Ignorant Things People Say to Queer People
Let’s start with the idea of a “Straight Pride Month”… and the comment: “I just don’t understand why they need a whole month for Pride. There’s no Straight Pride Month.”
In addition to the reasons above that I mentioned, the problem with the statement above is that it ignores decades of criminalization, violence, and erasure that make Queer Pride and visibility so important (because we’re often erased).
“I don’t mind Queer people, but why do they have to make it their whole personality?”
Ignoring that straight/cis people are openly able to talk about their relationships, spouses, share and use their own gendered pronouns, and display photos without being shamed for it or accused of “making it their entire personality.”
In sharp contrast, a Gay/Lesbian teacher, who shares about their partner/spouse or has a photo of their partner/spouse on their desk in the United States’ current political climate, may be reprimanded, asked to to keep that information to themself, or to hide or put the photo away, or may even face termination (while a straight teacher can talk about or display photos of their loved ones without it putting their job in danger).
If we’re going to ban teachers from talking about their partners, the ban needs to be universal, where straight people face the same consequences as Queer people do… but that’s very unlikely, since our society doesn’t hold the same shame around cis/straight relationships.
“I’m fine with it, but I don’t want my kids around that.”
This statement is problematic for a multitude of reasons.
Possibly the most obvious is that it equates Queer people’s public existence as being inherently offensive, pornographic, sexual, or inappropriate for children.
The statement above, and trying to shield children from even knowing being Queer is an option for them, is used to try to prevent children from understanding and accepting Queer people, which will only cause more confusion, shame, and self-hatred for Queer children (who will still be Queer even if they don’t have a language or understanding around what it means to be Queer).
Growing up, most of the movies, books, and other types of media I was exposed to contained many straight and cis characters and plots that revolved around hetero romance. However, I still turned out to be Queer… because being exposed to something I didn’t relate to didn’t change who I was or how I felt.
Reading about a Queer character or knowing Queer people exist won’t make a straight/cis kid turn Queer (any more than being exposed to cis/het characters will convert Queer kids). However, it may let a Queer kid know it is okay to be Queer (which is what many bigoted parents are afraid of).
“I don’t care what you do in your bedroom, just don’t do it/kiss/hug/hold hands in front of me.”
The statement above is problematic because, similar to with Queer people in media, it holds Queer couples to standards around public affection that are rarely demanded of straight couples.
In the United States, it is not dangerous or taboo for cis/straight couples to kiss, hold hands, or show affection in public. However, Queer people who appear in public together have historically faced more danger, and Queer affection in public can lead Queer couples to being glared at, judged, harassed, berated, kicked out/denied entry to public and private spaces.
In some cases Queer couples may experience physical danger or assault from those around them simply for expressing love for their partners in ways that are perfectly acceptable for hetero couples.
“You just haven’t met the right man/woman yet.”
This statement dismisses a Queer person’s stated identity and attractions as a temporary phase or confusion. It implies that the Queer person doesn’t know who they are or what they want.
When a straight/cis person expresses being attracted to another person or shares details about who they are or love, they aren’t met with doubt and people dismissing their lived experiences (because being cis/straight is still, falsely, assumed to be society’s default).
“It’s fine as long as they don’t hit on me.”
Excuse me? What makes you think a Queer person would want to hit on you?
The statement above is gross because it comes from a false assumption that Gay people are universally attracted to everyone of the same gender, as if a Gay man automatically wants every man he meets (or a Lesbian woman wants to get with every woman she meets). It also sexualizes Queer people.
Additionally, something I can’t help but notice is that often cisgender men will be the ones to say this, and that makes me think what they’re really afraid of is Gay men treating them like they treat cisgender women – like objects of desire.
“Why do they have to be so flamboyant? They’re just proving the stereotypes.”
This statement doesn’t work because, for one, it is policing how Queer people naturally express ourselves, implying that being Queer is something that should be hidden.
It also ignores that “non-flamboyant“ Queer people exist quietly every day, and because they’re not “visibly Queer”, it means you would never know they are Queer… but maybe that’s what these types want.
Because bigots hate Queer people, they don’t want to see us. They want us to hide, and not be detectible in the public eye.
Bigots want us to be ashamed of who we are, keep our Queerness to ourselves, so that bigots can be comfortable, which is one reason many of us have become more flamboyant in recent years (as rebellion, to be seen, and to help other Queer people and allies spot us and possibly even to scare away bigots and hateful people).
“I have a trans/gay friend/family member, so I can’t be trans/homophobic.”
This, all too common, statement doesn’t work because it uses a token relationship to deflect away from harmful statements and ideas a person has or has shared about Queer people.
Proximity to Queerness doesn’t mean a person doesn’t hold hateful/problematic views about Queer people. If it did, Queer kids wouldn’t be literally afraid to share with bigoted parents/worry that being exposed could lead them to being punished, abused, or evicted from their family homes.
“I support queer/trans rights, but I don’t support transgender people ‘cutting off body parts.’”
The statement above is harmful because it reduces complex, life-saving medical care to a grotesque mockery while at the same time the person is falsely claiming to be an ally.
This statement is also harmful because it ignores and erases the countless Trans people who may not have access to such care, or may opt not to undergo medical transition for a variety of reasons.
You don’t have to undergo a medical transition to be valid as a Trans person.
Many trans people stop with social transition (for many reasons), and many, especially those in extreme poverty, may not be able to access surgical transition (or even HRT, hormone replacement therapy) even if they want to.
“You can’t just change your gender. There are only two sexes. Basic biology.”
This statement is problematic because it confuses sex (chromosomes/genitals) with gender (identity) and also shows an ignorance of human biology by ignoring Intersex people and that in nature, there are a multitude of biological expressions of sex (including non-human intersex animals and the natural reality of many non-human animals, some that are sexless or can even change sex at will).
The statement also ignores the general scientific consensus (that both sex and gender are far more complex than “only two sexes“).
Since there are more than two sexes, why would there only be two genders?
The truth is, there are, and always have been, more than two sexes, and the idea of only two sexes/genders is a fairly new concept (that is based in white supremacy, is anti-Indigenous, and has been implemented by Christian colonialism).
“They’re just doing it for attention/trend.”
As a Pansexual person, who is also Polyamorous and Non-binary, this one is thrown at me a lot, and is especially common for bisexual, pansexual, or Non-binary people, dismissing our identities as a fad.
Just because these identities are being spoken about more openly recently, it doesn’t mean these experiences are new, or that we weren’t always here (even before these terms were coined).
For this one, I would like to point to the statement above about how white supremacy and Christian colonialism have tried very hard to erase these ways of being that are actually older than Christianity, and were (and still are) present all over the world before colonialism tried very hard to erase them.
“Love the sinner, hate the sin.”
I hate this one because it frames a core, unchangeable part of a person’s identity as a moral failing while simultaneously pretending to offer compassion.
Imagine if I said, “Love the Christian, hate the religion,” to a person. Saying this would likely be offensive, even though being a Christian is a choice, but I never chose to be Queer; I just chose to be open about my Queerness.
Being Queer is WHO I AM, and in much the same way, many religious people see their religion as an essential part of their identity.
This Pride Month, if anyone says any of the comments above to you, I invite you to switch things up on them.
If someone says, “Love the sin, hate the sinner,“ say, “Love the person, hate the religion“.
If someone tells you you’re “just being Queer for attention“, flip the statement on them and tell them they’re “just being cis/het to fit into society“.
If someone says, “the existence of only two sexes or genders is basic biology.” Tell them, “Maybe they should have learned more about advanced biology,“ so they wouldn’t sound so ignorant.
If someone says, “I support trans rights, but I don’t support gender affirming care,” try pointing out the ways cisgender people also access gender affirming care (how cisgender men may receive testosterone for low testosterone/how cisgender women may receive estrogen for hormonal imbalances or menopause management, how cisgender women and men may also access surgeries to their body parts to increase or decrease brest size, or how access to treatments like hair removal or hair transplants are common for cisgender people).
If someone tells you, “You just haven’t met the right man/woman yet,” flip this statement on them to imply they aren’t really straight, and tell them they are actually gay and “just haven’t met the right person of their own gender yet.“
When straight people say, “I don’t care what you do in your bedroom, just don’t do it/kiss/hug/hold hands in front of me,” throw that statement right back at them, because this one definitely works both ways.
Maybe, if we start giving them ‘a taste of their own medicine‘, they will finally see why these comments are harmful and ignorant and why we don’t need a ‘Straight Pride‘.
As long as we have these double standards, that frame heterosexual and cisgender people as “the default state of society“ and Queer people as “lesser“ or “other,” we will always need Pride Month.
Good luck out there, all!
This post was also shared on Substack and Patreon.
This post was written with the assistance of Focused Space (a sponsor of the Neurodivergent Rebel blog).
What is Focused Space?
Focused Space is an ADHD-focused, Neurodiversity affirming, goal‑setting, and online co‑working / body‑doubling platform designed to help people prioritize, stay motivated, and bust through procrastination (and it is something I believe in and personally use every day).
More info:
Learn more about how I use it here!
I get requests (that I mostly ignore) to do brand partnerships all the time, because I don’t want to partner with products unless I actually find them useful and high-quality. I also want to work with brands whose owners and processes align with my personal standards and ethics.
That’s why I’m excited to announce that the Neurodivergent Rebel Blog is officially partnering with Focused Space, and our community members can now get access to Focused Space at a special rate of 20% off forever when you use the code “NEURODIVERGENTREBEL” at checkout via the button below or at get.focused.space/neurodivergentrebel:
Now when you Get Focused Space via the link above you’re getting discounted access to a great tool as while supporting the work I do here at the NeuroDivergent Rebel Blog.
Also, if you ever join a 7am CST wakeup call, or pop into an un-hosted Quiet Owl session on a week day, you might bump into me.
Not sure if Focused Space is for you?
- You can start with a free 14-day trial.
- And because this is an ADHD-friendly app, Focused Space will send you an email reminder 7 days before you are billed, so you can cancel after the first week if it’s not a good fit for you.
