If Traditional Meditation Doesn’t work for you, Read This – I Thought I Was Failing at Meditation. Turns Out, I Just Needed a Different Approach.

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A few years ago, when my grandfather passed away, I started to realize that over my lifetime I had developed a tendency to dissociate.

This dissociation was a survival response I acquired when I was very young, because I was often stuck in inescapable situations that were uncomfortable at best (like being forced to ignore my sensory needs and physical signals of discomfort in my body in school), as well as environments and events that were overwhelming and too much for my young mind to handle (severely traumatic events I don’t want to go into at this time).

If things feel like too much, and we are stuck in situations we can’t escape, our minds and bodies can disconnect.

When this disconnection happens, we may mentally escape when we can’t physically escape… or at least that’s what happened to me. If this type of escape happens frequently, especially when we are young, dissociation can become habitual and maladaptive (but also lifesaving).

For me, dissociation meant that I would go numb, feel far away from the world around me (like I or my surroundings were not real), or like I was watching myself from the outside.

Sometimes I would lose time, struggling to feel my body, recognize what it was doing, where it was in space, what it needed, or how it felt.

In addition to being disconnected from my body, for me dissociation meant being disconnected from unpleasant emotions, doing anything I could to avoid them through distraction and avoidance.

Pink Floyd’s song “Comfortably Numb” (one of my favorites growing up) described my experience perfectly.

When my grandfather passed away a few years ago, suddenly the pain was too much to escape, and I found myself drowning in feelings I wasn’t equipped to handle (due to a lifetime of escapism).

I didn’t know how to manage, sit with, or move through the profound sadness the loss left me with, and I found myself drowning in the all-consuming pain of that loss.

It was through that pain that I realized I had a problem and needed to find a way to be present with the reality of what I was feeling (since tuning out and distracting myself from my feelings wasn’t working anymore).

The tools I used to start putting myself (my mind and body) back in sync with one another were parts/shadow work, grounding, breathwork, and somatic practices.

I also used plant medicines intentionally and mindfully, as I worked on integrating the experiences, events, and emotions I’d not processed growing up (that were still showing up as triggers in my life all these years later).

Parts of me were stuck in the past, reliving events and emotions I hadn’t been able to unpack, process, or understand growing up, which showed up in my life as responses to present, safe situations as if I was still in danger.

Despite my current safety, old patterns would take over, and my nervous system was still bracing for danger (that was no longer there).

Parts work helped me learn to connect with the parts of myself stuck in old patterns (with curiosity and compassion instead of shame).

Shadow work helps me turn toward what I’ve disowned and was taught to be ashamed of over the years (my anger, grief, sorrow, and all of the Autistic and other Neurodivergent traits I’d been encouraged by society to hide, repress, and be ashamed of).

Embodiment and somatic practices were also a big part of my personal healing journey.

For those new to the term, “somatic” means “of the body.”

Somatic practices are embodiment practices that involve paying attention to your body and its physical feelings (instead of tuning them out and doing everything we can to avoid them, as I had done for most of my life).

Instead of just talking about and intellectualizing my problems (because I have a tendency to be “all in my head” and over-intellectualize things without feeling them), several years ago I started using somatic practices (gentle movement, breathing, or simply noticing and focusing on physical sensations in the world around me) to help me feel calmer and more connected with the physical world around me and in tune with myself (especially my physical body), instead of checking out and dissociating as I’d become accustomed to doing.

For those of us who have been through developmental trauma (difficult, painful, or scary things that happened when we were young), our bodies can get stuck in a state of high alert or can feel numb and disconnected (dissociated).

I found that, for me, somatic practices helped by slowly and safely teaching my nervous system that I am here, in the present moment, and safe now (building new patterns).

By gently bringing my attention back to physical feelings and sensations (like the feeling of my feet on the floor, a song I am listening to, the feeling of the sun or wind on my skin, or the rhythm of my breath), I could reconnect my mind and body.

Since I started doing them regularly, somatic practices have dramatically helped me reduce that overwhelming, floaty feeling of dissociation (and have given me a tool that helps me feel more grounded and in control).

Grounding is usually my first step.

If I am trying to avoid dissociation, I don’t necessarily want to close my eyes and go inward (which can cause me to ‘float away‘ and trigger dissociation).

I started meditating years ago, but (before I knew what dissociation was) I didn’t realize that the silent, closed-eye way I was practicing was actually making my dissociation worse, because I was essentially using meditation as a way to dissociate.

Switching to more embodied, somatic meditations (often with my eyes open, using grounding, paying attention to bodily sensations, and orienting to my body and the spaces around me) has been much better for me, because this type of meditation helps keep me in my body, instead of leaving my body behind.

Instead of going inward and counting my breaths, I breathe while looking around me, naming what I see, smell, hear, and feel (focusing my mind on the physical sensations in my body).

I press my feet into the floor, or walk barefoot on the earth. I’ve found that nature can be one of the best grounding partners.  

If I am sitting, I pay attention to how my body feels in a chair or on the ground.

Another helpful practice is holding something cold, textured, or weighted in my hand.

I can also use scent to ground myself somatically, sniffing the air around me (or smelling chapstick, lotion, or another pleasant scent).

Another way I stay present is to name the date, the day of the week, where I am, and what’s happening right now.

Grounding helps me separate “then” from “now,” reminding my nervous system that I’m here now, not in the past (and safe with what is actually present), or worrying over an uncertain future that’s not here yet.

Somatic practices help me stay in my body.

I am rebuilding a relationship with my body after years of ignoring its signals, putting a hand on my chest or belly and feeling its weight and warmth.

Sometimes I tap or pat my chest, arm, hand, or face. I may rock, sway, or stretch, focusing on how the movement feels in my body.

I am learning to be present, to listen to my internal signals, and to find alignment in my life. Breathwork, grounding, and somatic practices have been critical to the work I’ve been doing in recent years.

If I start to feel too much, or like I am slipping away, I can stop and orient back to the space around me (now that I know how to recognize the feeling of slipping away before it is too late).

Over the years, I’ve tried a lot of “tools” meant to help me “regulate.”

There are a lot of apps and tools out there that claim to help with regulation and breathwork, and I’ve tried a lot of them, but until recently I haven’t found one that works well for me.

I’ve downloaded the apps, watched the YouTube videos, and listened to audio meditations where I was told to “picture a peaceful stream” and instead ended up mentally checking out, replaying conversations from my childhood, reliving other painful events, worrying about the future, or floating so far outside my body that I only came back when the meditation ended.

Trying to keep my mind empty, watching thoughts come and go without reacting to them, and only focusing on counting numbers in my head didn’t work for me and my ADHD brain.

Most of it felt like one more thing I was failing at.

Meditation didn’t really work for me until I found more somatic forms of meditation (like yoga and other body-centered practices that involve directing attention to physical sensations, such as breath and movement).

Because of the mixed results I’ve had with meditation and breathwork apps and tools, I was skeptical when Moonbird reached out about sponsoring the Neurodivergent Rebel blog, offering me a free Moonbird to try.

One thing I’ve been working on personally is being more open to new things and experiences lately, so I have started to open myself up to collaborating with brands (if I feel they are things my community members and I would actually benefit from using).

I have been very clear with the brands I have been communicating with that I am not willing to share anything I don’t personally use or that I don’t feel can make people’s lives better.

I’ve turned down plenty of brand deals that didn’t sit right with me, and I wasn’t sure about this one at first either.

The people at Moonbird understood that if I didn’t like the Moonbird they sent me, I wouldn’t be sharing it with you all, but they sent me one to try anyway.

While I’ve had mixed results with some of the brands that have sent me things to try so far, Moonbird has surprised me (in a good way).

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been using my Moonbird every day (along with several other things I’ve decided aren’t a good fit).

I’ve found the Moonbird breathing coach very helpful, and plan to keep using it moving forward.

What is Moonbird?

Basically, it’s like a little silicone-coated lung that you hold in your hand that expands and contracts as you breathe along with it.

The Moonbird is tactile and ergonomic, and I’ve found its shape very comfortable and its texture pleasantly soft.

It is rechargeable and, so far, has had very good battery life. I’ve had it for a few weeks and, after the initial charge-up (because it arrived uncharged), I’ve only had to charge it twice.

Note: If you order a Moonbird, assume it will arrive with a dead battery and needs charging before use. I thought mine was broken when it arrived, but it turned out it just had a dead battery.

What I LOVE About Moonbird:

Moonbird helps me stay grounded when doing breathwork.

Some traditional meditation and breathwork practices can cause more disconnection, causing me to feel more disconnected than when I started.

For me, Moonbird does the opposite because it creates a more somatic experience, keeping my attention on the physical sensations it creates (the weight and texture of the Moonbird in my hand and its gentle movements) and grounding me.

The tactile feedback.

I have interoception differences, which means I sometimes struggle to sense what’s happening inside my body (also, see the notes above about how somatic meditations have been more helpful for me than other types of meditation).

For me, having something external and physical like Moonbird breathing in my hand (that I can follow and that asks me to pay attention to a physical sensation) has created a very grounding experience during breathwork.

No headphones required.

I can use Moonbird without blocking out sound, which means I can use it in situations where I need to stay aware of my surroundings. I am more in tune with the world around me while using Moonbird (instead of checking out).

The app is optional.

This is huge for me. I love that I don’t have to be tethered to my phone to use Moonbird.

Moonbird has an app with voice guidance, biofeedback, different exercises, and customization features, but I rarely use it. Instead, I just use the device on its own.

I tried the voice-led breathing exercises in the app and, honestly, didn’t care for them.

For me, the coach’s voice wasn’t soothing, and it took me a while to realize I can turn the voice coach off and run different breathing programs in silence.

I love that, while you can unlock features by downloading the app and connecting the device to your phone, you don’t have to download anything if you don’t want to, and it works with or without being connected to your phone.

It’s low-demand.

Moonbird doesn’t require you to count (unless you want to).

I don’t have to worry about remembering a pattern. Instead, I just hold the Moonbird and breathe along with it as it expands and contracts in my hand.

Other things I love about Moonbird:

It comes with a 30-day trial period, a 100% money-back guarantee, free shipping, and free returns.

Some people can also pay with their HSA/FSA accounts.

Possible downside (for some people).

One thing I would say that I see could be a possible negative is that some people have given me feedback that it looks a bit like “an adult toy” – but honestly, I’ve laughed about that with the people in my life who I’ve shown it to.

I’ve found that the Moonbird looking like a pleasure device to some people can be a humorous talking point. Still, one of my friends mentioned that because of its shape, and because they worry people may think it’s something “naughty,” they personally wouldn’t want to use it in public (and while I respect that, the shape of the Moonbird doesn’t put me off using it in front of people).

How I Use Moonbird

During virtual meetings. 

In meetings, because Moonbird is silent and can be used without audio, I’ve found it is a tool I can use in virtual meetings (it probably could also be used in in-person meetings).

Because I don’t need headphones or to stare at a screen, there’s no visible sign that I’m doing anything except sitting there like I normally would in a meeting. I can hold the Moonbird in my hand off camera or under my desk, and nobody knows I am using it.

In public. 

Similarly, the Moonbird is small and ergonomic, and can easily fit in your jacket pocket. It’s discreet, which matters if you don’t want to draw attention to yourself.

I have used it in public, while walking about, and while sitting in a cafe with friends.

You can easily hold it under the table at a restaurant, or in any other public setting, especially if you have a sweater, hoodie, or coat with reasonably sized pockets (big enough for you to make an open fist in).

Personally, I just hold it in my hand (and don’t bother to put it in my pocket), since holding it feels nice.

At night, before bed.

I’ve used Moonbird before bed almost every night since mine got here.

My brain has an unfortunate habit of waiting until my head hits the pillow to remind me of all the things I need to do tomorrow, tasks I may have forgotten throughout my day, new ideas for projects… things that are the opposite of relaxing and counterproductive when my goal is falling asleep.

Counting sheep and other objects has never worked well for me… mostly because I lose count once I reach a certain number and find the whole process frustrating, but breathing with Moonbird has been a great pre-bedtime activity.

As I lay down and get ready for bed, I make myself comfortable, pick up my Moonbird, hold it, and breathe along with it.

The Moonbird expands, and I inhale with it. It pauses, and I hold the inhale or exhale for a few seconds. Then, as the Moonbird contracts, I exhale, mirroring its movements.

The Moonbird is simple, and that simplicity is beautiful. There’s no counting or sequence to memorize. Since I don’t use the app (and have recently figured out how to turn the voice off if I do decide to try it again), no voice tells me what to do.

The way I use my Moonbird means I am guided by Moonbird’s gentle, physical rhythm in my hand. It gives me something physical to follow, without the need to count, which has been great for helping me settle down and fall asleep.

Your Discount

If you’ve been curious about Moonbird, I am excited that Moonbird has given me a referral link and discount code for my community.

When you purchase Moonbird using the link and code below, you get a discount, and a small portion of the sale supports the work I do here on the blog.

Use this LINK to help support this blog:

https://moonbird.life/discount/?ref=owosylqu&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=goaffpro

Use the code NEURODIVERGENTREBEL at checkout for 10% off.

If traditional breathwork or meditation has felt inaccessible, overstimulating, or just not for you, Moonbird might be worth exploring. And if it’s not, that’s okay too. You know your body best.

Take care of yourselves, and keep breathing.

— Lyric

Transparency

This is a paid partnership. All opinions are my own, and I only partner with brands I actually use.

Moonbird reached out, gave me a free Moonbird, and since I’ve tried it, Moonbird has earned a place in my routine.