I like to think my brain is a lot like Google or a website filled with videos, pictures, and search terms. On occasion, people try to use the wrong phrase and get a blank or confused face.
I’ve always loved writing and creating websites. A well-managed blog is the perfect way to share and receive information. I’m also very visual and enjoy creating databases, categorizing information with links and tags.
Many people don’t know this about me but back in high school, I took (and aced) college web-design classes. Growing up I was rarely an “A student” but my writing, computer, and music classes were easy A’s – ensuring my GPA never dropped below a 3.2 even while barely passing a few core classes.
A lot has happened since high school. I’ve tackled a few creative projects but for the most part, I allowed my web design and writing skills to lay dormant.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and felt like you could be doing more with your life?
Five years ago, just before my 25th birthday, I took a life inventory. My life was not bad, in fact, it was quite satisfactory, still, something was lacking. At the time I had no words or idea of what I was searching for, still, I set out on a quest to find significance.
The body is the vessel carrying the mind. Getting my body healthy became my first priority. I like to tackle large tasks in small pieces, eating the elephant one bite at a time.
When I do something, I do it all or nothing. I had already been practicing yoga a few years (mostly a physical practice) and had started hitting the gym for two hours a day, obsessively training, working each and every muscle – focusing on the upper body, arms, and core.
My mind body connection and awareness was improving greatly as I carefully did each exercise. Counting down reps in my head became a moving (and very physical) meditation, constantly forcing my mind into the present moment. I began to long for the elated feeling that came during every focused workout.
Once I was feeling better physically shaping the mind became more of a priority. I began to read about Buddhism and an unquenchable thirst for knowledge was sparked.
I grew up in the Christian church, but Christianity never felt like “my religion”. As a child I had a tendency to think in a VERY literal way, this can make bible stories very confusing.
At a young age, I felt shame. Shame for not believing, shame for being different, shame in not being able to think like everyone else. I wanted to believe and spent a good portion of elementary school convinced that I was a bad child, doomed to hell because of my disbelief in the biblical teachings.
Buddhism is a very logical religion. It is full of practical instructions, lists, and easy to follow guidelines teaching the practitioner how to live a better life. Buddhism forces you to take responsibility for your own actions. It is the perfect religion for the self-motivated spiritual seeker.
Fast forward to the year 2014, at the age of 27 a new urge is stirring within me, a desire to do good in the world and help others. Laying awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, the meaning of life was beginning to make itself apparent to me.
A seed had been planted, but the flowers growing in the soil of my mind needed time and fertilizer to grow. Something was still missing, I wanted to help but was unsure where to start.
I found my inspiration at the 2016 Texas Conference for Women. A full day of amazingly empowered women, sharing their stories of success. These women were passionate, did the best with what they had, and never gave up.
By the end of the day, I knew what I needed to do.
I truly believe that as humans, we are custodians of the earth. The meaning of life is leaving the world better than you found it. Our job is to figure out what our proficiencies are. We must grow our skill so we can give back to the world (without expecting anything in return).
The world needs more positivity and less judgment. We need better role models and fewer bullies; people who don’t shrink in the face of adversity and stand up for what is right.
So I’m here five years later, writing and sharing my experience with the world, hoping to somehow might make the world a little bit brighter.
Rebelling against a culture that values assimilation over individuality.