AskingAutistics Interview – David Rivera – What do you do about clashing NeuroDivergent traits?

I ask a lot of questions, hoping that many of you will share your experiences as well. In the new year, I’m hoping to start interviewing other neurodivergent voices in the community. As many of you have already might know, my first guest is my husband, the wonderful, talented, and handsome David Rivera.

This is Pt 3 of the interview with David. Stay tuned for pt 4 next week.

Lyric and David answer: How do you work through clashing NeuroDivergent traits?

Patreon members had access to this video on December 28, 2022. The video’s public release will be January 18, 2023.

ID: David, a medium brown skinned human, with long, curly, salt and pepper hair, and Lyric, a pale skinned nonbinary person with short green, teal, and purple hair with shaved sides and jet black roots are sitting on a sofa next to one another in an RV. There is an open window behind them. The words “Clashing Traits” float in front of them in pale teal and green letters.


Lyric: So here’s, here’s-

David: I saw It’s a big, though.

Lyric: It’s a big question. I think it’s a good one for us, cuz I think we can relate to this.

David: Oh, it’s for us!

Lyric: I think it’s an US question.

David: If it’s for us, yes.

Lyric: Yeah. I think it’s an US question. So, There’s a question and then they give an example like for more information.

David: Okay.

Lyric: To go with the question. So it’s one question. So I’ll look, read the question first and then I’ll read the other part.

David: You’re being so serious.

Lyric: Yeah. Because you like sometimes-

David: is this serious question?

Lyric: Well, no, well kinda, but sometimes

Because sometimes you’re like, there’s so much information you give me.

David: Right, right, right, right.

Lyric: So I’m mentally preparing you that I’m gonna give you a lot of words. Anyways.

David: Lotta words, lotta words, lotta words!

Lyric: Ok, so here’s the question. First. How.

How do you work through clashing NeuroDivergent traits? Okay. It’s a simple question.

David: How do I?

Lyric: We like, I’m thinking we.

David: You and I are me with others?

Lyric: Well like us, I’m guessing. So here, here, I’m gonna re give you more information.

David: Okay.

Lyric: So I don’t know if y’all have any, but myself and my youngest do, it’s a topic I see like nothing about, for example, I don’t want to suppress her repeating words sounds, in case it’s a stim thing, but it triggers my misophonia.. Which is like, you know, sound intolerance.

David: Mm-hmm. .

Lyric: Uh, and so it’s been heck to navigate. So I was wondering if y’all had any thoughts. So clashing, clashing, NeuroDivergent traits.

David: Traits.

Lyric: Yeah. So like sensory issues is a big one. Clashing sensory issues.

David: Okay. I swear you could do this whole interview by yourself.

Lyric: I know.

 I love you. I’m helping… I’m leading. So do we have clashing sensory issues?

David: Yes.

Lyric: Definitely!

David: Whether it’s brightness or low light; cold, hot environment.

Lyric: Mm-hmm.

David: Other things.

Lyric: Yeah. Sometimes the communication things will clash with one another. The way David communicates, the way I communicate.

David: No! The way we understand things is a, is an issue also.

Lyric: I, I don’t know about you, but like, when I feel like I’m communicating clearly, and even if I’m not, or if I don’t know how to communicate anymore clearly, or like I feel like I’m not being heard, I get really, really frustrated.

David: Frustrated – hard!

Lyric: Really quickly.

David: Yep. Lyric will get frustraited.

Lyric: Really quickly.

David: Yeah.

Lyric: And I’m like (inaudable)..

David: And then, and then I don’t know what to do about it, because like, I swear I answered you.

Lyric: And I’m like, I swear I, this is like, dude, you’re not answering me. I’m like, I.

David: But, to answer the question though, we do have clashing whatever that word-

Lyric: Traits – NeuroDivergent traits.

David: How do we deal with them? Dude, we have to take a timeout.

Lyric: Yeah.

David: We have to take a timeout. Um.

Lyric: Yeah.

David: If it’s, if it’s, if it’s too cold for Lyric, well, we have to make it hot, and I have to deal with the heat, and then we’ll just switch it over. It’ll be cold for a little bit, and Lyric will, will, you know, we, we just have to trade off.

Lyric: Yeah.

David: We have to trade off. I’ll have to sacrifice or, or suffer being hot for a few minutes, maybe even five minutes, and then turn it up again- cold. Then Lyric will have to suffer being cold for like five minutes, and then we’ll switch off again. There’s no other way that we know how to do this. We have to provide for each other.

When it comes to needing space, we live in an RV.

Lyric: There’s not a lot of space.

David: Listen, there’s not a lot of space, but there is space. You know, if you, if you need to lock yourself in the bathroom and take your phone with you. And just sit on the toilet while not doing your business. But you know?

Lyric: To hide. To lock in a room.

David: To hide. Hide in the room.

Lyric: But we have a bedroom like you can go, actually you don’t have to lock yourself in the bathroom. You can lock yourself in the bedroom.

David: You can go to the bedroom.

Lyric: Or there’s a loft up there.

David: A loft. Yeah. You just, I don’t like, I don’t have to escape Lyric.

Lyric: Are you sure?

I’m annoying.

David: I have to escape now.

Lyric: I am sensory overload.

David: Um, Okay. Lyric. I don’t know how long this video’s gonna be. . It’s gonna be a bunch of little videos. Lyric likes to talk a lot.

Lyric: Yeah.

David: Lyric likes to talk a lot.

Lyric: I don’t even. I just do. I don’t even know if I like it.

It’s just is what I do.

David: I don’t know.

Lyric: I can’t control it even.

David: Okay. So Lyric talks a lot.

Lyric: Yeah.

David: Sometimes I don’t know when I should be paying attention.

Lyric: Cause sometimes you shouldn’t.

David: And I’m like – are you talking to me or are you talking to yourself?

Lyric: I’m like, no, I’m not talking to you – leave me alone!

David: Right, right. So there’s sometimes when Lyric will go off and off and talking like, we’re driving somewhere and I’m driving and Lyric’s in the passenger side, Lyric’s talking, and talking, and talking, and I don’t know when Lyric’s talking to me.

Lyric: It’s true.

David: And needs a response, and I’ll just ignore it, until Lyric turns, “well, what do you think?” You know, so it’s kind of, I don’t know what this has to do with anything.

Lyric: Singing: Cellophane. They call me, call me cellophane.

Cause David is like, I’ll say something, and then like two seconds later David will say the same thing.

I’m like, I just said that… all the freaking times.

David: “Did you see the cow sit standing on the roof of the barn?”

Lyric: And two seconds later, Dave, Dave will be like, there’s a cow on the roof of the barn. I’m like-

David: I just said that.

Lyric: But I do the same thing to you.

David: This has nothing to do with differences, though.

Lyric: No, we just got off track.

David: We got off track a little bit.

Lyric: It’s funny.

David: Lyric does that.

Lyric: Yeah, it’s okay.

David: What was the thing again?

Lyric: The question just turnned into three questions. We answered the question, then we went on and gave extra.

David: Did we actually answer it,actually?

Lyric: Yeah, we answered the question. We totally answered the question. It was asking, like how we deal with competing sensory differences.

So it’s like we’ve gotta have our separate space, or if it’s a sound sensitivity, like the dogs trigger my sound stuff a lot. So it’s like I have noise canceling headphones. I can throw headphones, listen to music, go for a walk, get away, like create that space, go take a break in the room or whatever.

So like all of that is like, you’ve gotta kind of create your own space, respect each other, and say, “Hey, I’m gonna go take a break. Hey, I’m not mad you, I just need a break. I need to go take a break. I’m gonna go.”

David: Not leaving you take myself outta the – yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sensory break.

Lyric: Like, remove myself from situation.

David: Right!

Lyric: So it doesn’t become an explosive situation.

David: Right.

Lyric: Because that would be bad.

David: But you gotta give the other person in their time.

Lyric: Mm-hmm.

David: Again, back referring back to the heat thing. If Lyric needs heat, I have to suffer the five minutes, give them heat and then if it gets too hot for me, I gotta turn on the AC and Lyric has to suffer with the ac.

Lyric: Mm-hmm.

David: You put a blanket with more clothes on.

Lyric: Yeah. Like I’m a little cold right now, but I want you to be comfortable, cuz you’re already uncomfortable, because you’re doing this video right now.

David: Thank you.

Lyric: It’s like – yeah. I don’t want you to also have sensory overnight.

David: For putting me in a situation, I said.

Lyric: Oh my god.

But I don’t want you to also have sensory overload, and like be kind of like in an uncomfortable situation.

David: Right. Right. Cuz what’ll happen? I will walk away.

Lyric: Yeah.

David: I will walk away.

Lyric: And I don’t think I can blame you.

David: Right.

Lyric: That would be too much. So it’s like I’m compromising, and it’s like I can stim, and like pet the dog, who’s warm, and like I’ll be okay.

Like I can, I can be okay for a little bit. It’s not, it’s only a little bit too cold for me, just a slightly, slightly too cold, and when the breeze stops blowing, it’s okay. It’s just every now and that breeze kicks in, it’s like, Ooh, dang it.

David: It is “dang!”

Lyric: It’s a little chilly in the desert.


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With gratitude,

– Lyric

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