AskingAutistics – David Rivera – How do you maintain a Healthy Relationship while on the Spectrum?

Lyric and David answer: “How do you maintain a healthy relationship while on the spectrum?”

This is Pt 4 of the interview with David. Stay tuned for pt 5 next week.

Patreon members and YouTube channel members had access to this video on Jan 5, 2023. The video’s public release will be January 25, 2023.

ID: David, a medium brown skinned human, with long, curly, salt and pepper hair, and Lyric, a pale skinned nonbinary person with short green, teal, and purple hair with shaved sides and jet black roots are sitting on a sofa next to one another in an RV. There is an open window behind them. The words “Autism & Relationships” float in front of them in pale teal and green letters.


Lyric: Uh,

David: I got a question.

Lyric: Yeah.

David: Are we almost done?

Lyric: Do you need to be done?

David: No, we can keep going….

Lyric: Okay. .

Oh my gosh.

David: Record.

Lyric: Hmm. Okay. Oh.

Uh, this is, I don’t know if this is too big of a question, let me know.

David: It’s too big of a question.

Lyric: Liz. Lord says, how do you maintain a healthy relationship with your partner, while being on the spectrum?

David: A healthy relationship?

Lyric: With your partner?

David: With my partner?

Lyric: Yeah.

David: Which one?

Lyric: Well, we, we only have one partner right now, but I, we’re polyamorous, so there’s always the possibility of more partners..

David: Partners.

Lyric: I’m not dating right now. I’m working on myself right now, . I need to date myself for a while and I’m dating Dave, but in addition to Dave, I don’t think anybody should be subjective to this right now.

I got some self work.

David: I shouldn’t even be,

Lyric: oh, . Ow. I got some self work I need to do, before I have any new relationships. Yeah, that’s just me personally.

Oh, that’s a light. I thought this was broken. I thought my iPad was broken. The light, like, I thought it was like a, a screen problem. I just lost where I was on the comments.

David: Lyric, you’re drifting away.

Lyric: I know!

David: Swing back. Swim back this way. .

Lyric: Shcwing – Wait, schwing… that’s something else.

David: We gotta go back to the question again then

Lyric: Back to the question.

So how do you maintain a healthy relationship with your partner, while being on the spectrum?

I, I think with any partner, it’s communication, which, Sometimes harder and extra work, being Autistic, I think, or just being different NeuroTypes, or just because different people communicate differently. It can just be hard. I think communication is the biggest thing. Also the most, the the most difficult thing, at the same time. Like you have to work on it extra. Right? Wouldn’t you think?

David: You answered it. I think that was for you.

Lyric: It was for both of us. Think about your relationships with other Autistic People like what’d you think communication, in those relationships, has been a thing.

David: Yes. Communication and being honest with yourself.

Lyric: Yeah. Oh yeah.

David: Being honest with yourself, and what you need, and what you can give.

Lyric: And what your boundaries are.

That’s –

David: boundaries

Lyric: really- that’s a really big thing. Cause I think a lot of Autistic People, because we have, we’ve been told, oh, you don’t need to like have that boundary. People are like, you’re being, you’re putting up too many boundaries or , people are always asking us to bend our boundaries, so then, we can be too permissive in bending our boundaries. It’s not good. It’s not good.

David: And some people, honestly, need to ask themselves if they should even be in a relationship.

Lyric: Yeah. Yeah. . Like right now, I don’t think I like, even though I’m, you know, polyamorous, still polyamorous, I don’t think I should be dating right now, cause it’s like I’ve got some stuff I need to work through.

 I also barely have enough time for my one partner, at this time, with everything, cuz I’ve got way too much on my plate, as always- way too many things. So it’s like, adding another partner would doing disservice to my current partner. So even though, you know, I’m, I’m always open to the possibilities.

David: But You got other partners here, with the dogs.

Lyric: Well, the dogs, yeah. Yeah -exactly!!!

David: Other responsibilities and-

Lyric: Yeah, I was like, I don’t, I, I’ve got, I’ve got. I don’t have, I don’t have room. I would be neglecting….

David: I don’t have room .

Lyric: It’s like I have to make time.

That’s another thing, as an Autistic Person, I think, is like the special interests, or anything I get hyperfocused on- like I get stuck on it and I can’t let go of it, and I don’t realize how much time is going into the thing.

Like, like this mornings I spent like… I don’t know how much stinkin’ time, stuck on the history of this place we’re staying at.

David: Mm-hmm.

Lyric: And I couldn’t let go of it, cause I had to understand, cause it was weird; and my brain was like, had so many questions, and I couldn’t fucking let it go, so I’m like….

My brain kept going back to it. Back to back to it…

David: You said the F word.

Lyric: Yeah, I did. And so , we can go beep… no, I don’t know.

But my brain kept going back to it, and it’s like I was stuck on that, for like way too much time, and it like, took me away from things we need to be doing, blah, blah, blah- and that happens.

David: Yeah. Getting ready and –

Lyric: a lot

David: setting things up.

Lyric: Yeah, but that happens a lot too. So it’s like the hyper-focus, like taking me away I think is a problem for me. So it’s like I have to be mindful of that,I think.

David: Sorry, your stick just bothered me over there.

Lyric: Stick???

David: Look where you left your stick.

Lyric: a popsicle stick! I left it there so bear wouldn’t get it when we were driving down that really bumpy ass road, and it was like I didn’t wanna get up and walk.

David: Well you just touched my… don’t do that.

Lyric: Schwing!

David: Keep your hands up here, so we can see them. Keep your hands Yeah. Keep ’em to yourself. .

Lyric: No.

David: So did we answer that question?

Lyric: Uh???

David: What was the question?

Lyric: What was the question? , do you have, do you maintain a healthy relationship?

Do we?

How do you maintain a healthy relationship? While being on the spectrum, while being Autistic.

David: Oh, okay. Uh, I guess, I don’t know if we answered it. Just respecting other people’s boundaries, and their needs.

Lyric: Working extra hard on the communication piece, and like meeting- if you have to meet each other where you are. So it’s like, if you have communication differences, you have to find out where those differences can meet in the middle.

David: If you’re in a relationship, well, I guess it depends on what type of relationship, because it could be family, or it could be your loving partner, or work relationships.

Lyric: Well, this says your partner….

David: partner? Okay, so here’s the deal. Speaking honestly… if I love Lyric, I have to do whatever is in my ability to prove my love to Lyric.

So I have to show Lyric, like I have to give all I have to lyric. , you know what I’m saying?

Lyric: And vice versa though..

David: In the same, you know,

Lyric: it’s not a one way street.

David: Yeah. It’s not a one way street.

Lyric: It could just be one person doing all the giving.

David: Right.

Lyric: So if David was doing all the giving in a relationship and I wasn’t doing any giving back, like that would be a very unhealthy one sided-

David: it, it doesn’t deserve to be a relationship, if that’s the case.

Lyric: And you’re probably gonna resent the other person if you’re doing all the giving, and they’re not giving back. So it’s not-

David: and you shouldn’t be in a relationship if that’s the case.

Lyric: Yeah. And also, you shouldn’t be doing all the giving in a relationship.

David: Right. But that shows you you shouldn’t be in that relationship to begin with.

Lyric: Yeah.

David: You know, I’m gonna give a hundred percent, Lyric gonna give a hundred percent. There’s no other way around it.

Lyric: I mean, every now and then

David: you cannot, you cannot-

Lyric: there may be a dip, like, you know, if I get burnned, like when I got burned out –

David: right, right, right…

Lyric: Or, you know, you deal like you have a loss, and you deal with something.

David: Right. But I have to be there for you as well.

Lyric: Exactly.

David: Doing that.

Lyric: Exactly. We’re there for each other.

David: Like, you’re there for me, when I fall, you know?

Lyric: Mm-hmm.

David: You’re there for me. You’re, you’re, you’re, you’re, you either, pull the dogs away cause they’re too much for me. You do things that are gonna help me, when I’m in that – in in that area, right?

Lyric: Yeah.

David: Same thing for you. If you’re going whatever, then I have to pull dogs away from you, cuz it’s getting too loud, or I gotta cook something for you cuz you’re hungry, you know, you have to give a hundred percent.

Lyric: Yeah.

David: And if both aren’t given a hundred percent- why are you in the relationship?

Lyric: Mm-hmm.

David: That’s all I gotta say.

Lyric: Yeah. Yeah. … I mean.

David: Cut!

Lyric: Don’t get stuck in a relationship, where you are the only one doing all of it, or, you know, you don’t feel like giving. If you don’t feel like giving to a relationship, then you’re doing a disservice to the other person.

David: What are you hanging on to? Why are you hanging on?

Lyric: Let them go, if you don’t feel like giving and, you know, yeah, and, and vice versa.

David: That’s just our personal thoughts on it.

Lyric: Mm-hmm. , don’t let someone take advantage of you.

David: Yeah.

Lyric: In the relationship, either, because that’s, that’s not fair. I think too many of us get taken advantage of.

David: You took advantage of me just now when you put your hand on my thingy. . You didn’t ask me for permission.

Lyric: CUT!!!

Do an introduction to the camera and then-

Yeah. Yeah. yeah!

David: You do the camera, and then I’ll come sit down, look, look at we have here

Lyric: Our guest.

David: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Wait.

Lyric: They’re gonna see your butt!!!

David: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Wait.

Lyric: They’re going to see your butt!

David: No butts!!!

Lyric: They’re gonna see your butt.

David: Ready? Go.

Lyric: I like your butt.

Ooh, bonk.

It’s bonkin’ stuff.


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With gratitude,

– Lyric

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