Patreon members and YouTube channel members had access to this video on April 4, 2022. The video’s public release will be June 15, 2022. That’s over 2 months early.
Thumbnail image is of Lyric, a pale skinned nonbinary human, with short green, yellow, and purple with shaved sides. They are sitting in an RV with dark wood panel walls. The are wearing green eyeshadow, elaborate black winged eyeliner, and turquoise lipstick. In front of them the words “I Like Who I Like – that doesn’t make me a slut” in pale blue & green text. Around the title the worlds Polyamorous and Pansexual appear in white.
It’s such a nice sound. This is not an ASMR video. I just thought I would share that with you.
This week, I’m going to be talking about attractions, sexual and other kinds of attractions to people. Who we’re attracted to, and different orientations that people may have. Whether they are attracted to other humans… or not. If you’d like to know more, please do stay tuned.
Before I dive in talking about orientation, and attractions, and human on human attraction…
I’m talking into my coffee. Let’s gets the microphone and the coffee is not the microphone. Let me put that over there.
I want to make sure we understand that people’s gender identity, their gender expression, all of that is completely separate from who they are attracted to.
If people find themselves attracted to other people at all, I want to make sure to say, there are people who are not attracted to other humans. Some people are hyper attracted to other humans. It is a spectrum.
Human sexuality, human attraction, is a spectrum; just like autism, neurodiversity, and gender. These are separate spectrums, that may overlap, but they are different continuum.
For example, a trans man, who is only attracted to other men: he’s a gay man… and a trans person who is attracted to people regardless of gender, may consider themselves bisexual or pansexual. A trans woman who is only attracted to women would consider herself to be a lesbian. These are separate from their gender identities.
I’ll do a separate video on gender, so be on the lookout for that one.
I am someone who is attracted to people regardless of their gender. And gender is of very little consideration to my attractions. It is an afterthought, if it is of any thought or consideration at all.
I have been on a continued evolution with understanding my orientation and my attractions to other people.
When I was in middle school, I identified as bisexual. There was a period where I thought I might be a lesbian, and now I identify as pansexual, because I’ve learned more about gender, and sexuality, and myself.
That understanding of my own attractions has been constantly evolving, since I was a very young person. Though the labels and the terms I use to describe myself have changed, one thing has been very consistent throughout all of my life…. and that is: that I am not straight. There is no question about that.
I am definitely not straight. The rest of it… I feel, is fluid as I am; be that my gender or my orientation.
As someone who is attracted to the person, regardless of their gender, I will admit there are certain people who I do find more attractive than others.
I am NeuroDivergent, Autistic, ADHD, and tend to be more attracted to other NeuroDivergent People. Also, though my current partner is CIS straight, I tend to be more attracted to queer people, and people who are gender nonconforming.
I think we’re just attracted to more of the same of what we are. It just has that attraction there. It’s like, “oh, this person really gets it”.
More of my attraction is to, to people who don’t go along with norms in society, in general, diverging in in various ways: NeuroType, gender expression, orientation, and otherwise.
Really it is the person, the person I’m attracted to, they, the person: how they act, how they treat other people. If they are kind, if they are genuine, if they are honest, that’s the stuff that does it for me, and everything else is extra.
There may be someone where I see them and I go, “Ooh. Yeah!” But then, if they open their mouth, and something completely appalling comes out… yeah, you lost me. Such a shame.
The rules of only being attracted to one gender, or there even being an opposite gender, or only one person for every person, just never made any sense to me.
That’s also why I am not monogamous. I am polyamorous, though I’m, technically, only dating one person right now, I am open to the possibility, in life, that there are multiple, and many loves, one can have. That love is this infinite concept, so why can you not have infinite love to give?
This isn’t just sexual love, being polyamorous means having relationships with people on many different levels. Some of those relationships are very intimate, and have nothing to do with sex.
I’m a Buddhist. I don’t believe that anything in life is permanent. There is no such thing as forever.
Though we may want relationships to last forever, this is setting us up for failure. When the goal of each and every single relationship is forever, considering how many relationships don’t last, that means it’s forever or failure.
What a horrible way to think about our relationships with other people. “If it wasn’t forever, it was a failure.”
I’ve had many relationships with many different people. I’ve learned so much, and grown as a person, from every relationship I’ve ever been in.
I don’t see those relationships as failures. Some of those relationships were really traumatic, and I learned some horrific lessons, that no one should ever have to learn… but I wouldn’t think that was a failure.
I got myself out of situations that were no longer good for me, and that that’s not a failure, that’s a success. I went on and was better to the next person, and the next relationship I was in.
Now though, I’m not actively dating anyone, when the next relationship finds me, I will be open to it, and hopefully be better in that relationship, than I was the last time I dated, with the last partner.
Here’s the thing, about all of this: my whole life, because I have more love to give, because gender is not a boundary to my attraction, because monogamy, and only being in a relationship with one person at a time, is not a boundary to my attraction… I’m called a slut.
When I was openly attracted to people of more than one gender, my boss who is a lesbian, told me that “Bisexual people don’t exist, just horny people that want to have sex with everyone.”
Wow. Are sexual relationships, really, the only kind of relationship people have? Cause I have a lot of relationships that have nothing to do with sex.
Then admitting publicly that I am not monogamous, I am accused of being afraid of commitment, just wanting to have a lot of sex.
All of these things, because cishet, society thinks everything is about sex… and for some of us, it’s not about sex at all.
We need to understand attraction, gender orientation; these things are spectrums, and they are dependent on social interpretations.
These aren’t things we need to impose on other people. We need to give room for people to have experiences outside of the cishet norm .
All right, everyone, thank you so much for hanging out with me this week.
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I will see you all next Wednesday. Bye.
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💜 – Lyric