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CONTENT WARNING: Discussions of Suicidal Ideation

I’m Lyric Rivera (they/them), a late identified Autistic ADHD adult (or AuDHD for short). 

That late-identified piece is crucial to my journey in life because I spent most of my life falsely believing that I was something I wasn’t, a NeuroTypical person.

I didn’t find out I was NeuroDivergent (someone whose brain diverges from what is considered “typical” for their time and culture) until I was 29 years old (when I was diagnosed Autistic). 

My ADHD was “officially identified” a few years later (in my mid-30s). Finding out I was ADHD was much less of a surprise to me (and those who know me) because I’d always presented a very stereotypical ADHD way. I’m combined type ADHD, hyperactive and inattentive, which (combined with Autism) was hard to hide.

It had been suggested that I might be ADHD many times throughout my life, starting in elementary school (when my guardians refused to allow the school to test me for learning disabilities because they feared I might be forcibly medicated). 

ADHD was “the big diagnosis” growing up in the ’90s. My family didn’t even believe ADHD was a thing back then, fearing this label and the medications that came with it could have lasting repercussions on my life. 

Many of the ADHDers (who were identified when I was a kid) are now adults and thanks to their lived experiences, I know that ADHD is real and that I have it. 

Since having my ADHD medically confirmed, I’ve been working on learning how being an ADHDer impacts my day-to-day life (just like I did when I realized I am Autistic).

In addition to being NeuroDivergent in multiple ways, I am also Queer at multiple intersections of my life. I am trans-nonbinary, pansexual, and polyamorous. 

Learning I was NeuroDivergent later in life, and the quest to uncover my most authentic self (outside of neuro-normativity), also led me to discover I was nonbinary (genderfluid, if you want to get specific). 

At the time of this realization, I’d already been somewhat of a “public figure” and, as a result, went through a very public transition beginning in the summer of 2020.

Transitioning while in the public eye (changing my name, pronouns, and appearance) gave me a crash course in the types of criticisms and hatred trans people face daily on a large scale.

Trans people online face daily hate; the larger our platforms reach, the more hate we get. 

I’ve blocked hundreds (if not thousands) of people from my social media spaces since coming out nonbinary in 2020 (because people on the internet can be a particular flavor of horrible). 

These aren’t curious people who “simply don’t understand” what a nonbinary or a trans person is. These violent bigots wish me and my readers harm, sometimes calling openly online for anyone willing to “take this tr*nn* out” and issuing death threats. 

I know trans (and Autistic) advocates and page owners who have been stalked, harassed, doxed, and even swatted by those who want trans people erased from public life. 

The people who hate Queer People want us to go back into the closets, back into hiding, back to denying who we are to make the cishet people more comfortable, but I can’t return to the closet. I can’t hide.

The last time I tried to hide, I became so burned out and depressed I almost ended it. That mental health crisis led to my Autism diagnosis nearly seven years ago. That crisis let me know I had to “come out” even when I didn’t know (at the time) how much coming out I would be doing. 

Coming out nonbinary has been like coming out Autistic in many ways. 

Many people don’t believe nonbinary people exist. Some people also don’t believe Autism and Autistic People exist. 

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