It has been years since Damian Milton rocked the world with the paper: On the ontological status of autism: the ‘double empathy problem.’
In Damian’s paper, the double empathy problem was defined as:
What does that mean in more simple language?
Our society has an unfortunate habit of pigeonholing Autistic and other NeuroDivergent people when we don’t “fall in line” with the pre-determined neuro-typically driven social norms – because we’re wired differently from our neurotypical counterparts.
We socialize differently because we experience our world (and communication) differently than non-autistics do, but this is often pathologized, and we are seen as the problem when confusion occurs.
The myth Autistics are cold, unempathetic, and emotionless comes partly from this Double Empathy Problem. It’s not that Autistic people don’t feel empathy (I experience OVERWHELMING empathy that can cause me to shut down) but that non-autistic people present and interpret our empathy differently.
Autistic people can fall all along the empathy spectrum, from overwhelming empathy to very little empathy – just like non-autistic people can.
Additionally, it can be harder to empathize with experiences you don’t have (and needs you do not understand) regardless of one’s NeuroType. This is where the Double Empathy Problem (and the confusion between cross-neurotype communication can cause trouble).
With Autistic people especially (because our communication differences can fall far outside of what’s considered “normative” or average), this has led to our ways of communicating and experiencing the world being pathologized (instead of respected, supported, and appreciated).
I find it much easier to communicate with other Autistic People (who know they are Autistic) than with non-autistic people.
When communicating with other Autistic People (who are self-aware), there is a different level of compassion and understanding for my directness and the scattered nature of my thoughts. There is patience and kindness when I take something literally, miss a joke, get a word wrong, or need clarification about something (or struggle to find the words at all).
Other Autistics are willing to stretch to meet me where I am. I’m also eager to meet them where they are.
We’re used to stretching ourselves to be understood by people unwilling to extend themselves to meet us where we are (it is also easier to communicate with other Autistic people).
In interactions with other Autistic People, I don’t have to stretch myself as far as if I were accommodating a non-autistic person.
Funny, they say, “Autistic People are the ones with a deficit.” Still, we’re the ones accommodating non-autistics by adapting our communications so that non-autistics can understand us better – isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?
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